Part of being a writer and feeling called to do so means that you have to get out of your comfort zone. We can’t write about topics if we don’t own our own story. We have to first set ourselves free before doing so for others. Writing makes you vulnerable and open to the elements of criticism but in the act it opens up your soul for change and growth. I have to own my story and part of my story is depression and dealing with it every day. See, depression doesn’t come at a certain time of day, I can’t tell you when it will start and when it will stop. It has its own mind and agenda leaving us vulnerable in its wake. It does not segregate, it is cruel and loves everyone the same, it’s like a sick joke. So many people battle with depression everyday but they burry it deep inside. Society tells us that depression is wrong, that we are weak, that it’s a choice. I am here to tell you that not only is depression not a choice but that its real and the way it makes us feel is real but most importantly YOU ARE STRONGER BECAUSE OF YOUR DEPRESSION.
Depression is different because you can’t see it, its invisible to the outside world. Depression doesn’t have to come in the form of tears or sadness but it can look like a smile or a laugh. When I tell people, I have depression they don’t believe me because I am always smiling. I’ve had many people ask, “are you always happy?” my response is “I wish”. We hide our depression in everyday life, in everyday clothes, in everyday activities. Its not like the commercials where its black and white, the person can’t get out of bed, its obvious. Yes, many times I can’t get out of bed but the thing is that when I do I fake it. You know the phrase “fake it till you make it”….we are the epitome of that saying. You won’t know I struggle every day because I don’t want you to know. It’s a shame that we feel that way, that I feel that way. Why do we hide something that weighs so heavily in our life? What we have to realize is that depression doesn’t define us it’s just one piece of our puzzle. I AM NOT MY DEPRESSION. I AM NOT THE DAYS I CAN’T GET OUT OF BED. I AM NOT THE PAIN I FEEL DAILY. What am I? what are you? Easy, a fighter.
People who are quiet are often times the ones facing the biggest struggles that you don’t know of. You never know what someone is going through because we put out the best version of ourselves. We hide our shame, and our vulnerabilities in our room hoping that they don’t follow us like a shadow. We feel like if people knew we struggle with depression then they’ll think we are weak. Maybe people will think it’s because we aren’t trying hard enough or we are lazy and playing the victim. Yes, anyone who struggles with depression is a victim of a bully but, that bully is weaker than you think and never wins. You are more than a victim, you are a fighter. Don’t ever for a second feel defeated because you didn’t have to get out of bed…but you did. You didn’t have to go to work but you did….We may not be happy during everyday activities but that’s not the goal, the goal is to try, to keep fighting. SHOW UP…that’s all I’m asking you to do is to show up for life and show up for God to work in your life.
We were never meant to fight depression alone. God made woman so man could have someone to support and love him. We are meant to help each other so stop pushing away people because you are ashamed. Depression is real but what else is real? Love and people LOVE YOU. Let people pour into you because depression is lonely enough. Don’t be afraid to ask for help because the person next to you is quietly screaming for help. Its like when you take a test and you’re the first one finished. Nobody likes to be the first person to walk up to the front of the room to turn in the test. You look around the room, observe others and then finally after sitting there finished for several minutes someone else is the first one to walk up and turn in their test. One by one the students emerge and turns out you were all finished you were just waiting for the first person. Depression is like the same thing, we are all looking around hoping someone will admit it first and then maybe we will come forward but turns out all around us people are waiting too.
People say to us, “go for a walk”, “go watch a funny movie”, “go hangout with friends”, and the worst one “Try harder”. Depression isn’t just something that passes the time because in reality it makes time slow down. Yes, we should be constantly working on it and doing things that make us happy but it doesn’t just go away. Stop hurting others by telling them to “try harder”. The worst thing to do is to see someone who has depression and put their depression on them. We should be going out and walking, being social and working on ourselves but don’t minimize the person and their depression. Depression makes us feel lonely enough so stop putting it on the person. Motivate, support, and push them but remember the fine line of pushing and ignoring someone’s REAL feelings.
Stop feeling bad for something that is completely normal. God wanted to feel in man form so he sent Jesus to experience our everyday pains. God understands because his Son went through it. Stop limiting God and his help because he already knows how it feels. He is not this out of touch God living in a far away land but a God who loves us, cries for us, and hurts for us. Depression is nothing to be ashamed of because when sin entered the world God knew depression was inevitable. We didn’t put sin and depression in our life but we can open that space up for God to take control of it. Don’t compartmentalize God by only allowing Him into some of your life but give Him full control. WE CAN’T REWRITE OUR BEGINNING BUT WE CAN WRITE THE ENDING. Write your ending by fighting, by giving it to God, and by loving yourself.
We all have a little kid in us that we beat up daily. We think we aren’t good enough, worthy, valuable. We burry that spark in our soul with doubt and fear. The thing we should be doing the most is loving ourselves and that includes ourselves with depression. Loving yourself means seeing all of you, and accepting all of you. You don’t have to accept the depression but YOU MUST accept the fight. Someone once told me, “You think you have it bad then you tell everyone to put their hurt in the middle of the room and I guarantee you will be the first one running to pick yours back up”. We all have a different battle but we are all fighting. We can’t give up because when we do that we let the depression win and he is far too eager to win. FIGHT YOUR FIGHT BUT ALWAYS LOVE YOURSELF IN THE PROCESS. Be realistic in your thinking because the child in you has been hurt far too many times. Nurture your inner soul and watch it take care of you.
YOU ARE SO BRAVE AND STRONG. Depression is a chapter in your book, keep it limited to that chapter. Never underestimate yourself because you were born to fight, and fight you will do. Love yourself and others because we are all just trying to do this thing called life. Don’t be ashamed but start speaking your truth and your story. The more you speak to it the more it will set you and others free. Your story is beautiful and worth being told.