I was in the uber last night getting a ride home from the airport when I engaged in a conversation with my driver. He was a pleasant older man in his 50s (sorry dad) who was the lucky one that got to pick me up. I was exhausted and just wanted to go home after traveling for 14 hours. We started talking about life and he told me that his grandfather always told him “boy, you can be scared as hell but don’t for a second ever show your fear”. I paused for a moment and thought about what his grandfather had told him. I asked him if that was hard to hear and he told me that he has never cried in front of anyone due to what his grandfather instilled in him at such a young age. My heart ached for my driver as a little boy and now having been told to never show his fear. To be told he has to always be tough, never cry, always be the strong one. What a huge burden to have and what a huge burden so many people still feel today. I know he isn’t the only person who has been told this and it makes me sad to think about.
I got home still thinking about what he told me when my good friend facetimed me. This is a human that is always so strong and scared to show weakness. I could see the pain in her eyes yet she was holding it all in. I told her to cry; in fact I wanted her to cry because we are not made to hold everything in. I tried to comfort her but sometimes my words are better written so today this is a letter to my friend and to all those people out there who are hanging on, who are scared of showing weakness, who need someone to tell them it’s ok. This is to you,
Dear Friend, today I write to you to remind you what life is all about and what life entails. Life is never rainbows and butterflies; in fact it really sucks sometimes. To get to the mountain we first must have to walk through the valley. The valley, that low place is uncomfortable and sometimes, well most of the time it is scary as well. See we think that showing emotion makes us weak but in fact it does quite the opposite. I like to think of the bible verse “For when I am weak then I am strong” in 2 Corinthians 12:10. A lot of people don’t understand how we can be strong when we are weak, it’s a tough concept. The thing is that we have a God who has been through all the emotions we have been through. He was a feeling God in Jesus so he knows what it’s like to be in the valley. When we admit these feelings to Him we become strong because He then becomes strong for us. It’s like in Remember the Titans where one side says “left side” and the other side replies “strong side”….God is our strong side. Just because God is our strong side doesn’t mean we have to hide our weak side. We all go through struggles and God knows that, He expects that, because He has planned them. God uses all hardships for His glory, even the ones He didn’t plan. His hand is in everything, nothing happens without being used to better you.
I know right now you are praying and praying hard. It can be so easy to be mad at God for not answering your prayers but always remember this…HE MAY NOT CHANGE YOUR CIRCUMSTANCE BUT HE WILL CHANGE YOU IN THE CIRCUMSTANCE. Your prayer may not be answered the way you think but it’s still being answered. He works on our insides while we pray for the outside parts. The thing is that if our insides never change it doesn’t matter how the situation pans out. It starts from within and that isn’t like a giant neon sign so it’s easy to think nothing is happening. Become silent, take the time to be still and listen to what your insides are telling you. Get rid of the distractions and focus on what is not seen. A miracle is taking place inside you but only you can find it and use it.
I know you are mad at God and you know what, that’s ok. God knows we are going to get mad at Him. He is a big boy and can take it so yell, scream, get it out. Tell God exactly how you feel because He already knows it He is just waiting for you to give it to Him. It’s ok to be mad at God but it’s not okay to let Him go. Be mad but keep Him close, don’t shut Him out. If you shut God out you will only be hurting yourself. The important thing is that you don’t yell at God standing up cause then you’re putting yourself first. Humble yourself, kneel and yell, remember the power of the one you’re talking to and put yourself second. Never stand and talk to Him when you can kneel.
Bad things happen, you can’t escape from it. You don’t deserve what is going on in your life. You are going through tough stuff and it’s ok to not be ok. It’s ok to cry, its ok to want to stay in bed for a few more hours. When bad things happen we have to feel it, we have to get honest with the situation and be in it. The hurt, the pain, we have to feel it in order to move on. If you don’t feel the emotions from an event you’ll always live and carry that event with you. God meets us in our pain; He is there so join Him. I know it’s scary to let yourself feel but it’s a gift God gives us to feel Him. He doesn’t let us see Him so he sends us emotions to connect to Him. Step into the uncomfortable, step into the pain then be silent and allow God to work in you and through you. You can’t get over the pain unless you go through the pain.
Tears are a gift God gave to us; He gave us a way to express ourselves without words because He knows that sometimes human words can’t explain a Godly situation. Jesus wept, so why can’t we? Why must we hide it? Go and cry, allow God into your pain. The next sentence is important so listen up. MEET GOD IN YOUR PAIN BUT THEN MOVE ON; DON’T STAY IN THE VALLEY WHEN HE IS CALLING YOU TO THE MOUNTAIN. You need to feel the pain but then you need to keep walking, keep taking a step forward. It doesn’t end in the pain so don’t make it your final destination. It’s like a connecting flight, you need to get on it but it’s not your final destination, it only takes you there.
Friend, you will get through this. You are braver than what you believe, stronger than what you seem, smarter than you think, and loved more than you know. God is with you, He is in you. You are not alone although you may feel it; you are not being punished although you may believe it. Silence the devil telling you to give up, you will not give you, you cannot give up. You may be on the connecting flight but you’ll land soon so just hold on. Kneel and become still, take a deep look inside because things are shifting, they are taking shape inside your heart. Don’t look for the giant neon sign but the little breeze in the wind, the sun in the sky, that smile on the stranger. It’s ok to show weakness because when you do you’ll become strong. You’re going to get over it by getting through it. You have a community that loves you and a Father that is working for you. Your situation may linger but you’ll gain the strength you need to handle it. Be patient, remain open, and know that you my friend are so beyond loved.
Truly,
Gena Rose