Have you ever experienced pain…like can’t breath, can’t think ahead to the next second pain? No, I’m not talking about literal pain like breaking a bone but inner pain, hurt. Yes, that pain can feel so real and almost worse than a broken bone at times. Sometimes I wish anything for that pain to go away. I rather have a broken finger or leg because at least I know that it will heal. Inner pain doesn’t have a timeline, the doctor can’t say in a few months you’ll be healed at this time. That to me is the scariest part, not the pain itself but not knowing how long that pain will last. When you are sick it sucks, like I hateeeeeeee throwing up but I know that it will end and eventually I will get better. We don’t always get that assurance with inner pain, sometimes we don’t know when or even if that pain will ever end.
What causes inner pain? Well for me the times I’ve felt most low have been for several reasons. Breakups cause inner pain. Going through a break up is probably the worst feeling in the world. Your ordinary has changed and everything you knew to be true comes crashing down. It’s like a death, you mourn that relationship, that friendship you had, that connection. Heartbreak in other terms is a bitch.
Death causes inner pain. I went through an experience that no human should have to go through. For a week I watched my grandmother die in the hospital, suffering, clinging onto life. Watching my grandmother die was the worst experience of my life. Towards the end I couldn’t recognize her anymore and that was the hardest thing. I couldn’t see my grandmother in this dying body. I would go home and scream in the pillow hating God. How could he take her away from me? Death’s pain is a sting that is always there hiding in the shadows.
Rejection can cause pain. Having someone say that the person you are isn’t ok is one of the most painful experiences we can go through. I have had people look at me and tell me they didn’t accept me. I have had people look at me and tell me I wasn’t a good role model. I have had people yell at me in public calling me disgusting and an embarrassment…why? Because I am undeniably me. Rejection can make us feel like we shouldn’t be here anymore; it makes us question our role in the world.
Sometimes pain is so intense that we think the only way out is to not exist. We stop thinking about consequences and only focus on the out. I’ve loved people who have tried to commit suicide; I have seen the look in their eyes when all they can think about is an out. I’ve stood in front of my friend’s casket when she felt like she had no other option. When the pain is so real you drown in your own thoughts. Every breath is painful, every step is painful, and every second is painful. My friend, if you are reading this know that someone loves you and that YOU WILL SURIVIE THIS. JUST MAKE IT THROUGH THIS MINUTE THEN FOCUS ON THE NEXT, ITS ALL ABOUT LITTLE STEPS.
IM STANDING HERE TELLING YOU THAT THERE IS ANOTHER WAY. GOD WAKES YOU UP EVERY MORNING FOR A REASON, THAT RIGHT THERE SHOULD TELL YOU THAT YOUR LIFE IS WORTH LIVING.
Put your hand over your heart, do you feel that…. that’s called purpose. Your life is meaningful, those thoughts that are swimming in your head ARE NOT TRUE. This is the truth:
-You are loved beyond measure by someone who knows everything about you
-You are here for a reason
-By being alive every day you are saving someone else
-The world won’t be the same without you
-You are precious and there is nobody else on this planet like you, don’t let us lose that
Pain sometimes feels like someone is putting a plastic bag over our head then telling us to breath, it’s impossible at times. All we think about in that moment is how to get out. I’ve experienced the pain of heartbreak, I’ve experienced the pain of losing someone, I’ve experienced the pain of thinking I wasn’t meant to be. What’s gotten me through the pain? 1) reaching out to ones I love and 2) reaching out to God.
Through my pain I’ve come to a conclusion that pain isn’t the enemy, pain isn’t the thing that makes us do the things we do or think the things we think. Pain is something God puts in our life so we can feel him…. you may stop here and think “how the hell is it that putting me through hell is a way for god to reach me” …. You see we can’t see God, we can’t touch God but we can experience God through our feelings and emotions. I think the reason why pain is so strong, why we feel it in our core is because it was truly sent from the most powerful place, so of course pain is going to be powerful. Of course its going to shake us, its God shaking us telling us to pay attention to him. PAIN IS NOT THE ENEMY BUT THE WAKEUP CALL THAT SOMETHING IS BROKEN IN AND OR AROUND US. Its God waking us up to realize that there is brokenness in our life. Something is off causing God to send us through pain to realize and to feel. PAIN DOESN’T JUST SHOW UP FOR NO REASON.
When God puts pain in our life we have two routes that are then opened to us….let the devil in and go down that route (we do this 99.9 percent of the time not knowing it) orrrrrrr letting God in and going down that route. What does each route look like? Well when we let the devil into our pain we allow him to use the pain against us. We allow it to consume us and we stay in that pain soaked area. We open up space for those negative thoughts to come through, we open up space for it to linger. WE AUTOMATICALLY ASSOCIATE PAIN AS SOMEHTING THAT IS BAD INSTEAD OF THINKING OF IT AS A WAKEUP CALL THAT CAN PROPEL US FORWARD. Going down the route with the devil is when we hold on tight to the pain believing we don’t have an out. We are the ones putting the plastic bag over our own head and telling ourselves to try and breath. Don’t get me wrong the devil’s route looks a lot better when we are in pain because it makes the most sense to us, associate bad with bad. It’s more of a natural course for us to take.
Going down the route of pain with God may not feel any better but it will get you farther. Going down the route with God means we feel the pain but realize it’s a call from Him to teach us something in our current situation. It’s not holding onto a rope that will just burn our hands but its letting go of that rope so we can grab onto him. Its taking a step back, figuring out the cause of the pain then letting it go. It’s praying to God, giving it to him instead of taking it on all by ourselves because duhhhhh we don’t want to carry all that weight. HE IS HEALING US THROUGH THE PROCESS. IT WILL END.
Corinthians 4:16-18 states “That’s why we are not discouraged. No, even if outwardly we are wearing out, inwardly we are being renewed each and every day. This light, temporary nature of our suffering is producing for us an everlasting weight of glory, far beyond any comparison, because we do not look for things that can be seen but for things that cannot be seen. For things that can be seen are temporary, but things that cannot be seen are eternal”. Read that part again in the beginning…although outwardly we are struggling, on the inside he is working on us. YOUR PAIN ISNT FOR NOTHING, IT HAS A PURPOSE, HE IS PUTTING YOU THROUGH IT FOR AN EVERLASTING GLORY.
THE PAIN IS TEMPORARY, BUT THE BLESSING WILL BE EVERLASTING.
The important thing that we can’t overlook is that we MUST FEEL THE PAIN. The whole reason God put pain in our life is so that we can feel it. The difference is though that once you feel the pain you then let it go, you don’t hold onto it. If we don’t feel the pain we will miss the message. How do you feel the pain? You let it happen…you let the pain in BUT the whole time knowing that it has a move out day and you will evict if necessary. WE MUST FEEL THE PAIN TO HEAL THE PAIN. You have to stop thinking that the pain is the enemy though because it will just keep you where you’re at and that place you’re at is not meant for you, that’s why it hurts so bad.
If you are experiencing pain right now believe in these words and know that just like being sick it will end and you will come out stronger. He is working in and through you. Don’t ignore the pain but make sure you aren’t holding on. Take the bag off your head and breath, you can still breath….keep breathing. Look for the brokenness that he is trying to show you and allow God in to work on it. You are never alone and never will be. Your pain does not define you or your life. It is a season of growth, use it as that. Reach out to loved ones if you need help. We all need help, don’t ever be ashamed because we have all been there at one point or another. Pick the right route, feel, then release. I’m cheering for you my friend.
I’ll leave you with what my mom tells me, “This too shall pass”.
Let go and let God.