When you move across the country to a place where you don’t know anyone you take on the reality that sometimes it’s going to get lonely. I always knew moving was going to be hard but if they told me it was going to be this hard I would have done a lot more thinking. I knew some nights I would end up sitting in my room alone, but I’ve had more of those nights than I want to admit. Right now, tonight, is one of those nights. Its Halloween weekend which means it one of the biggest weekends to go out. I’m not big in the party scene, I rather stay at home and watch a good movie but I also like being around people and doing things. Sometimes it’s nice to be around others because you aren’t in your head so much. This Halloween I’ve kind of been dreading because it’s my first “holiday” away from home and being that the last two Halloweens I’ve spent with my significant other I knew this one was going to be lonely. I was already coming into this weekened/week not looking forward to it. Everyone that I know here (so like three people) already made plans or are going to a costume party tonight leaving me to spend the night posted up in bed.
Whenever I have idle time I go onto Instagram, like the other 99.9% of the population. When you log onto Instagram it’s like you’re Alice and you fall into the hole, you exit reality and enter this whole other world. I (we) can get caught up for hours looking through pictures and most the time of people we don’t know. Have you ever looked at one of your friend’s picture’s then see someone comment on it so you click on that person then you go to the picture of them with their cousin and you click on the cousin who has a really good looking friend that you then click on and hours later next thing you know you’re on Aunt Susan’s page who lives in Alaska. Don’t lie, you know this has happened before. Tonight, I went on Instagram and got lost in pictures of people dressed up and going out. I’m looking at all the gross (cute) couple pictures and their matching costumes and I’m secretly in my head rating everyone on their costume choice. Hours go by and I’ve achieved nothing except feeling like crap about myself that I don’t have anyone to go out with and that I’m all alone while it seems like the rest of the country is out with their friends having a great night. I start to feel left out, alone, sad, and I want to go home. I text my mom about how alone I feel and that everyone is out except me and she replies, “everything always looks better in pictures”. Mic Drop (I’ll get back to this but let that line fester)
This isn’t the first time I’ve allowed Instagram to determine my worth or control my mood. I also know I’m not the only one who this has happened to. I know so many of my friends have at one point or another allowed Instagram to upset them, get into their head. The biggest example I can think of is when you go on Instagram and see something about your ex….yea that can send your stomach straight to the floor. Instagram has such a powerful hold on us and why? This is the best way I make sense of it. Instagram is like a trailer for a movie, all the flashy, catch your eye, reel you in scenes will be in the trailer so that it will make this movie look amazing. The trailer is every good, funny, big moment scene strung together to catch and hold your attention, to make you feel a certain way so you’ll go see it. You go see this movie that looks so good, so funny, and it turns out to be awful, nothing like what the trailer was like. The only good parts were the parts you saw in the trailer, but it wasn’t true to what the movie was really about. THAT’S INSTAGRAM. INSTAGRAM IS A REAL LIFE TRAILOR TRYING TO GRAB AND KEEP OUR ATTENTION SO THAT WE WILL BELIEVE THIS IS THE BEST MOMENT/PICTURE EVER. Just like a big-time movie trailer everything is calculated to make you feel a certain way.
We put our best selves out there on Instagram because we know people will be looking and of course judging. You want to impress that one person or make it seem like you’re having the time of your life when really you wish you were anywhere but. We create scenes so that we have something to take a picture of. We are having a bad day but to the Instagram world we are having the best day ever. We are in a broken relationship but to the Instagram world we are in love. We were out with all our friends last Saturday but really we were on our couch in our pajamas. WE CREATE AN IMAGE TO MAKE PEOPLE WANT TO COME AND SEE OUR MOVIE BUT IN THE END IT DOESN’T REPRESENT WHAT THE MOVIE IS ABOUT. I’m guilty of doing this and I’m sure you are too. I’m sure you’ve applied filters to pictures, edited them, then sent them to that one friend who always picks out the best one for you. WE PICK AND CHOOSE WHAT WE WANT PEOPLE TO SEE OR FEEL ABOUT OUR LIFE.
INSTAGRAM IS NOT REALITY
I was once following this couple on Instagram and had such a crush on them. They were so cute together, always traveling, always doing something new. I always compared myself and wondered why I couldn’t have that. They looked so happy, I wanted what they had (a phrase that we think way too often). Turns out that relationship was an abusive one and they fought all the time in real life. It was a toxic situation but from Instagram they were in love. It showed me that you can’t trust or base your emotions off of Instagram because it isn’t reality. We are basing something off of an idea that someone tried to put out in the universe in hopes that others would cling on to. It’s like when we get upset when a movie character dies, they aren’t really that person so what are we getting upset for? It’s because we’ve emotionally invested ourselves into something that we thought was true. DON’T LET SOMETHING WITH A ROCKY FOUNDATION BE THE BASE FOR YOUR EMOTIONS.
Tonight, I started to feel bad about myself, I started to feel left out and like the only person in Texas who was in bed by 8. However, in the wise words of my mom, “everything seems better in pictures”. I finally had to put the phone down so that I could get back to living in the truth. The truth is that I am in such a good place right now and I’ve been doing so well. I’m not going to let Instagram have me thinking this was the wrong decision for me. I’m not going to go to sleep upset when in reality I haven’t been this happy in a long time. WE HAVE TO PUT INSTAGRAM DOWN AND PUT OUR FOCUS ON THE TRUTH AND BUILD OURSELF UP FROM THERE. We have to stop analyzing every picture or story we see because we are analyzing half the picture, we don’t know what the start of that picture looked like. It’s like we lose all sense of who we are when we are on Instagram, it’s just not healthy.
I’m not out, I’m not dressed up, but I am living in the moment and basing things off of fact. Don’t get sucked into the hole and forget where and who you are. Remember it’s just a movie trailer, its meant to grab your attention but it may not be a good movie. Know your worth and know that EVERYTHING LOOKS BETTER IN PICTURES.