When it comes to relationships I just haven't had the best of luck. I've been through one physically/emotionally abusive relationship and one just plain emotionally abusive relationship. Those two people would say the most hurtful things to me to make me feel so low to the point I wouldn't go anywhere. I was told "God doesn't love me" or that "I needed to work out, try harder, be smarter, do better". Nothing was ever good enough. In my physically abusive relationship he would punch my arm, tell me he was sorry and that he was just playing later when he saw a bruise. He would see marks around my wrists where he would grab me and tell me he loved me and that he would never do it again.
I was wronged, I was wronged by those two relationships. Many of you have been wronged by someone at sometime, somewhere. Maybe they said something mean to you, did something that upset you or put their hands on you. WHATEVER THEY DID IT WAS WRONG AND NOT VALIDATED. WE HAVE ALL BEEN WRONGED BY SOMEONE. For the longest time after that relationship I hated him, I wanted nothing good for him. I felt like he deserved what he did to me so that he could see how it felt. It didn't seem fair that I was left so damaged and he was living his life. How could someone do something so wrong. I always try and figure things out and get to the why. When someone wrongs us though often times there isn't a why or at least not at that time. Because I couldn't find a why to blame it on it was all on him.
I went to church one day and the Pastor was talking about how we must always forgive. I got so angry listening to him that I left. How could I forgive someone who left a bruise on my arm, who called me names in front of people? how do we forgive someone who commits murder, or rapes someone? you expect us to just forgive them? hell no
I thought the Pastor was ultimately telling us to forget whatever happened to us that caused us to feel wronged. I never want to forget that relationship or how he made me feel because I never want to feel that again. I thought how could he expect us to forget something that was so impactful to us, on our lives. How could we forget a breakup, a divorce, a lie? THE THING THOUGH WAS THAT HE WASNT TELLING US TO FORGET THE SITUATION BUT TO SET IT FREE.
FORGIVING SOMEONE IS SETTING YOURSELF FREE OF THE POISON THAT INDIVIDUAL FED TO YOU. That person introduces anger into our heart and into that situation. We walk around with that poison of anger as long as we are still blaming that individual. Its not our place as hard as this may be but its not our place to blame a human body for the act of the devil. We are only hurting ourselves and poisoning our own bodies because lets face it the other person isn't walking around with anger in them for that situation. Its not fair you are swallowing that poison.
FORGIVENESS OPENS THE DOOR TO HEALING. forgiveness cleanses our body of anger, frustration, built up tension. Its like when you've been eating bad and you need a cleanse so you juice. the juice gets rid of all the toxins so you can be free from things that harm you. Forgiveness is letting go of the poison and setting yourself free. Its letting go of the rope that you've been clenching onto that has nothing on the other end. Your hands may have some blisters and be sore but you will feel relieved. Let go of that rope, cleanse your body of the poison. AS LONG AS YOU ARE HOLDING ONTO THAT SITUATION YOU ARE HOLDING ONTO THAT PERSON.. Set them free because they should no longer be in your life.
Trust me its easy to write about forgiveness but actually doing it....whole other story. For years I was angry, I was frustrated, I was drowning in the poison he fed me. Till finally I grew tired of holding onto the rope, my arms hurt, my legs hurt, my hands hurt and I saw that the person on the other end left years ago. FORGIVNESS LOOKS DIFFERENT FOR EVERYONE. Sometimes forgiveness is just telling God you forgive them, sometimes we have to forgive ourselves, sometimes forgives involves us actually telling the person. For me forgiveness started with me. I had to forgive myself for letting someone treat me like that. I was so mad at myself that I was even in that situation to begin with. I had to show mercy on myself and tell myself that it was ok and that we don't always know the outcome of something unless we try. Next, I had to forgive him. I sent him a text and simply told him that I forgave him. That text set me free. That text lifted years of resentment and anger off my shoulders. To this day I forgive him. I forgive him for hurting me, I forgive him for yelling at me, I forgive him for doing wrong by me. When I pray I pray that God finds him and that he can find pure happiness. I WAS FINALLY FREE. I AM FINALLY FREE. Years later I can still say to him "I forgive you", only Gods love can do that.
You can be free too, you have the power not to forget but to forgive. We will always have someone come into our life and do wrong by us but we have the power to let go of the rope before we get any blisters. We are in control of whether or not we are going to drink the poison.