Loneliness, something we all feel but hide from the world. Loneliness to me looks like me lying in bed all day, retreating from the world, giving up. I’ve been doing a lot of that lately with this move. I’m used to always having my family with me or close friends nearby. Moving to a place where you don’t really know anyone is extremely tough. It was harder than I thought because I never thought I would ever feel loneliness like this. It’s brought me to my knees and humbled me. It made me realize how important it is to love those who are close to you, and love them hard. When we experience loneliness we start to do some pretty stupid things, we try to grab onto anything “stable” or comfortable. That may look like texting an ex, abusing substances, going for people we normally wouldn’t go for, and doing things we normally wouldn’t do. Why do we lower our standards when we are lonely? Why do we allow this feeling to control our actions? Why is loneliness so powerful? Can loneliness be something that is good for us? These are things I ask myself as I explore the topic of loneliness in my life.
First off we are creatures of habit, change scares us, and it ruffles our feathers. Change is like someone grabbing us and spinning us around till we are so dizzy we can’t walk then they tell us to keep going, we don’t know where to begin or look first. That’s how I felt when I moved here like someone spinned me till I didn’t know what direction to look. When we don’t know where to look or where to grab onto we tend to go to what has been there before aka the past. We try to cling to what we know because the unknown is scary, we don’t know the results. Even if the results in the past didn’t work, we still know what happened so we go there. We text that ex that isn’t good for us, we bring up old habits that weren’t good for us. We trap ourselves back into old habits when we know for a fact it isn’t good for us but desperate times call for desperate measures, right? Why should we hurt ourselves again when we know it didn’t work for a reason in the first place? DON’T GRAB FOR THE SAME HANDS THAT LET YOU GO. DON’T LOOK FOR FREEDOM IN PAST PAINS.
Loneliness is so powerful because it goes against what God made us for. God made us to be in community with one another. He made us for each other so when we aren’t surrounded by our community our foundation cracks. We were made to involve our community in our decisions and the important aspects of our life because sometimes our community knows us better and can see our mission more clearly. When we don’t have that foundation near us or involved in our daily lives we get lost in the sauce. We are truly never alone though because we always have God but, some people are God on earth to us and we need them nearby. My tribe and community consists of my family, my Pop Pop and my best friend Brooke. When they are not around me I’m not myself because I don’t have anything to center myself on. God puts people in our life for a reason; they have a purpose, a goal, a mission in our life. Our center of gravity shifts when they are not with us, when we experience loneliness..that is why it’s so powerful.
God doesn’t intend for us to ever be lonely but when we do experience it it hurts so bad because He is trying to reach us through that. He uses the pain we feel as a reminder that we aren’t alone and that we need to come back to Him. Sometimes we retreat when we feel alone and we leave people out, we leave God out. What you feel in your heart right now is God calling you back, pulling you back to Him. Our greatest pains and greatest moments happen through God because it’s through those times that he talks straight to us. It may hurt like hell but know God is trying to turn it around and get you back into his arms.
As much as loneliness can hurt us, I think it is so important that we have moments spent alone. Loneliness doesn’t have to hurt us, in fact it’s a huge opportunity to grow us. One of my favorite things to do is to go to the movies alone. I can eat as much popcorn as I want, I don’t have to have someone whispering in my ear, and I can sit and watch all the credits. Most people get anxiety thinking about doing anything alone but we need some time alone to be silent, to find our inner peace, to find ourselves. If we are always with people it’s too loud for us to hear what our soul needs, what God wants from us. We get signs from God through people but sometimes we get signs when we spend time alone. People used to have to go alone in a tent to pray, get away from everything and have it be just them and the Lord. GET IN THE TENT. Listen to the silence and let it lead you. Use that time that you are alone to build yourself up. Stop thinking you always need to be around people because everything you need is in you. Ultimately your relationship with God is between you and Him so spend time with Him! Don’t be scared to shut everything out and get in the tent. SOME OF THE MOST POWERFUL MESSAGES ARE HEARD IN SILENCE.
Yes we are made for community but we also need alone time. We can use the pain of loneliness as a building block for change and new opportunities. Stop going back to the past because what burned you once has the power to burn you again, you are smarter than that. You aren’t experiencing this alone because I am with you BUT IM TURNING MY PAIN INTO POWER AND SILENCE INTO ANSWERS. It’s up to you whether you shut the world out or step up and go to the movies by yourself. You might take in a part of the movie that you would have missed if you were with someone. I am here for you and you will get through this time. You are strong, you are brave, and I am on your tribe. Text someone in your tribe tonight that supports you and thank them. Keep your tribe close and God will keep the blessings close. You will get through this season and if you ever need someone to talk to please reach out to me.