“You are not a victim for sharing your story. You are a survivor for setting the world on fire with your truth. You never know who needs your light, your worth and raging courage.” -Alex Elle
When I was in high school I used to dream of having a scar across my face, a burn or a mark somewhere visible for the world to see. I started wanting this after I got my first job as a hostess at a restaurant. I was a junior in high school, 17 years young. It came after a comment, then more comments and then more. It never stopped. The first comment came from the man hiring me at the restaurant. I had a scheduled appointment to meet and interview with him. This was my first ever job interview so I wore my best and felt ready after rehearsing my answers in the mirror that morning. To me I felt like this interview was life or death to make an extra $6.50 every hour at my first real job. Did I need the money? No. Did I want this job for freedom and to feel not like I was 17 and in high school. Hell yes. I sat down. Took a deep breath. I was ready. He began to ask about my work ethic, nailed those questions, then went into my personality, killed that...now he was talking about my looks. Wasn't prepared for this section so I started to sweat..I didn't know my looks were going to be part of it but then again it was my first interview so I shut up and listened. “Gena, you answered every question right but really all I had to do was look at you and know I was going to hire you. You are beautiful and will look great in the front of the restaurant.” Hmmm.. what do I say? What did I say, “thanks”. Then the interview was over. That job lasted about two months and in that time I was called a “c**t”, I was told to bend over slowly when picking up the menus on the floor and to smile more and look appealing. I thought that's how all jobs went, I didn’t know better.
A couple months later I decided to try and get another job so to Barnes and Nobles I went. I liked books, I love walking around Barnes and Nobles, it's never busy or stressful so I should be safe, right? I mean that logic made sense to me. I walked up to the counter and asked a nice lady who the manager was that I could talk to. She called a middle aged man over who rushed over with books in his hands. He didn’t shake my hand. He looked me up and down and said “wow, she's beautiful. You have the job”. My heart sank. I put my head down and just turned and walked away. He didn't even know my name I thought, he didn't even see me..he didn't see me, Gena. He saw my face and that was good enough. So then I prayed for a scar, something, anything to make people actually look closer or even look at all, not at my face but what's behind it.
The comments continued throughout college and into my adult life. The heart sinking moments of shame came more frequently with less time of sulking in between. I hid my truth in silence of embarrassment and guilt. Maybe I asked for it? Maybe I encourage it, maybe it's just me. A good girl doesn't create havoc so there I was being a good girl, keeping silent every time a dagger came from a man’s mouth. Daggers can come in many shapes, sizes and forms yet it always results in the same shameful feelings for the woman it was directed at. Why do we do this? We internalize someone’s mistake as ours. We replay moments of vulnerability and discomfort brought on by others' words and actions towards us and we somehow think of what we could have done differently. It's always our fault right? I mean that's how the news plays it out to be. We cry wolf, we make a mountain out of a mole hole, we read into things, we look between the lines too much, we actually think and take words as power. Words are power though, right? At least we once thought so until the establishment told us they weren't, they're meaningless, innocent and light. Our thoughts are wrong, too deep and non concerning. We must play our part, fade into the silence and allow things to happen just as they are. It's us, not them. We must shut our minds off and just obey. Obey and take it.
As christians sometimes we feel like we need to not cause a scene, forgive and let go. God calls us to forgive so we should just forgive their actions and keep going, right? Wrong. God calls us to love and forgive and both are actions. Love does, so we must do in action form as well and that means we must act on what has been done. Love is protecting our brothers and sisters from harm that we faced. Love is stopping evil from prevailing. Love is standing up for yourself and others who maybe were too scared or didn't have a loud enough voice. Love is speaking for others who can't. Love is stopping people from acting out their human sinful desires in harmful ways towards innocent people. Loving is doing the hard but necessary thing. Love is doing the next right thing. The next right thing is what will set your truth free, give your mind peace and silence the rage in your heart. Love is taking action. Action. It's also about being brave but here is the thing about being brave…. Brave doesn't mean you suck things up and keep going. Brave means you go against the crowd and fight for your truth. Brave means you unleash your soul from the constraints others put on it. It means looking evil in the eye and yet you still speak. We aren't called to be brave and let it go, we are called to be brave and speak to it. We take back the power by putting power in our words instead of theirs. You, my brave girl, have power.
Being a powerful woman means loving yourself enough to end obedience. It means being brave for other women. It means talking even if your voice shakes. It means breaking boundaries and glass ceilings others put in place for us. It's about liberating your inner wild and not apologizing for it. It means not feeling bad for believing in yourself and your fundamental god given human rights. You don't need a scar for someone to see you. You don’t need to be put down to get ahead. You don't need to allow hurt in order to forgive. If your rights, values, morals and feelings are being jeopardized you have a right to stand up and speak out. Don’t let the crowd silence you, don't let the media say you're wrong, don't allow your brain to say you're too emotional. YOU ARE VALID, YOUR FEELINGS ARE VALID, YOUR FIGHT IS VALID, YOUR RIGHTS ARE VALID, YOUR ANGER IS VALID, YOUR SADNESS IS VALID. What’s not valid is the shame people put on you. What's not valid is the embarrassment they cast unto you. Stand tall babe. Stand tall and take action for yourself, your friend, your daughter, your sister, your mom, your aunt….stand tall and take action for you.