“Hurt people, hurt people, but then we rise and overcome”
-A wise soul
Sometimes life doesn't happen the way we plan or want for it to. We have this image in our head of what we expect but instead we mourn the loss of what we thought it would be. It's easy to feel loss and let the world harden your heart. It’s easy to allow people to come into your life only to turn it inside out then leave you there wondering what the hell just happened..sorta like the last time I was at the beach. Mind you I am not an ocean person because I like my life and I don’t want it to be ended by two bites from a shark.
A beach memory I cannot forget is when I was in Nicaragua and actually got in the ocean because let's be real I couldn’t let the orphans and bratty American high school kids show me up while I sat on the beach in my god awful but church labeled godly one piece. I decided to get in so I took a deep breath, picked my wedgie and went into the ocean to protect these kids from drowning even though I was ready to jump on their back at any second. I enjoyed my five minutes in the pee warm water but when I was ready to come in I slowly waddled to the shallow end. Keep in mind surfers from all over the world travel to Nicaragua for their huge waves. I was minding my own business when a rogue wave took me under. Just like every ex it surprised me in my most vulnerable state and took me down. I went under and took in ocean water one big gulp at a time. I finally saved myself and made it to the surface just in time to be hit again and to once again go back under watching my life unfold before me. Wave after wave it took me out causing me to roll and bend in ways I didn't think was humanly possible. I was searching for a second to take a breath but all I got was dirty salty ocean water. It took me in and brought me under so quickly I didn't have time to prepare. Just like life.
I finally made it out alive even though I had more sand in my suit than the beach had. I made it to the towels but all I could taste was the salt in my mouth. Even though I just swallowed the whole ocean my mouth was dry leaving me thirsty for clean pure water. I had to wash the taste out of my mouth and replenish everything I had lost under the waves. I was thirsty for something pure, clean and fulfilling unlike the dry saltwater I had in my mouth.
My love life is a lot like the story above and let me explain why. I was on the safe beach but I felt a severe case of FOMO hit me (fear of missing out). I saw everyone out in the deep water having fun and I wanted to take part in it instead of being safe and lonely on land. I bravely waddled into the water to join all the others out there but instead of fun times I got trampled by the waves. One after the other taking me out distancing myself from where I wanted to be, where everyone else was. It left me stranded on the beach washed up with a bad taste in my mouth wondering “what the hell just happened”. Meanwhile everyone else managed to make it past the waves, able to be together out there experiencing what I wanted to be experiencing. You too? You go and waddle through all your insecurities and fears trying to make it where all your friends are thinking it will fill you up. Yet, it only leaves you thirstier for the good stuff, dry mouthed, tired and looking like a whole mess. That’s currently me. I'm on the beach removing the sand looking everywhere desperately for the good Aquafina to rinse my mouth out from that bad experience.
What we as humans get wrong a lot is that we can go into the deep waters but it will always leave us wanting more. We will always eventually get hit by a wave and end up back on the beach thirsty. Our waves may come at different times, they may be bigger or smaller than others, we may be down longer or shorter under the wave and our beach landing may look different yet it will happen. Even if we don't get hit by a wave we eventually will get thirsty and dehydrated being out in the middle of the ocean with everyone and we will need to come back to drink fresh water. We couldn’t live out there with ocean water. In fact if you ever get stranded out at sea the last thing you want to do is drink the ocean water, it will leave you thirstier so you drink more only to dehydrate faster. Imagine being on a raft where you have water all around you yet it will only make you thirstier...that's life, relationships, and love. Let me explain.
One of my favorite stories in the bible is the woman at the well.
“Now Jesus had to go through Samaria. So he came to a town in Samaria called Sychar, near the plot of ground Jacob had given his son Joseph. Jacob’s well was there, and Jesus, tired as he was from the journey, sat down by the well. It was about noon. When a Samaritan woman came to draw water, Jesus said to her, “will you give me a drink?”. The Samaritan woman said to him, “you are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?” (for Jews do not associate with Samaritans.) Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.” “Sir,” the woman said, “you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water? Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did also his sons and his livestock?” Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”
-John 4:4-13
The Samaritan woman was known for having many husbands and for getting around town, if you know what I am saying. She is not someone you would bring home to mama. Everyday at the same time she would walk to the well and fill up her canteen only to have to come back the next day and the next. No matter how much water she got it left her empty and thirsty for more. She was filling her canteen with “sea water”..water that was around her and available yet was killing her. She was not just filling up on seawater but she was filling up on water others provided. She was filling her canteen up with people, places and things. She saw everyone out at sea and she wanted to join. She had FOMO so she went out into the deep only to take on more sea water and to become dehydrated.
What water are you filling your soul up with? For me my biggest well that I go to is people and relationships. I have been from one relationship to the next recently because I am only truly ok with myself if someone else is too. I find my validation in whether or not someone thinks I am good enough and that's the wave that gets me every time. My last couple of relationships took me under where I got stuck in the rip tide. The rip tide carried me to places that I was never supposed to go. My last relationship was all wrong and I knew it early on. I couldn’t put my feet on the soft sand so I tried to hold myself up as the waves got higher and higher around me. One red flag was that she made me believe I was hard to love and she was doing me a favor. One night she looked at me and smiled and said, “You need to lose weight, mature a little bit and be better with finances, nobody will truly love you till you become a better person and one day I will love you but until then try harder.” Anyone in their right mind would have gotten up but instead I kept going back to that well because I thought that was the only well around. I kept drinking the salty water only to become more and more thirsty. After that relationship ended I went into another again seeking love and validation in the form of what others thought of me. This relationship was actually healthy and great and everything I wanted. Even though it was amazing I was still having to go back to the well. I wasn't getting trampled by a wave this time but instead I was out in the ocean for the first time with everyone else. I thought I made it yet here I am thirsty. I didn't need a wave to take me under for me to realize I needed more.
We often feel empty by the world and people around us. For a time being they fill us up but then the dry mouth kicks in and we realize we need more. We can't have just any kind of water people or the world gives us. We will only be fulfilled by the living eternal water and that's only given out by one source. It looks different from the wells we are used to going to. Its not obvious but it's there. The Samaritan had God before her offering her a drink and she said no because it didn't look like her normal source. We often are offered the good Aquafina on land but it looks different from what we are used to so we decline it. We stay thirsty and searching when the whole time God has a giant cup labeled with our name on it. People will always disappoint us. Bad situations will always arise. Unhealthy thoughts will always surface. Our waves will come. Sometimes life doesn't give us a wave to wake us up but it allows for us to make it to the fun deep waters where everyone else is. We feel safe, no red flags yet we aren't aware of the sun beating down on us and how thirsty our bodies are and will become. Even in good times we will be left thirsty. We always need to come back to God.
We need to start putting our love, validation, self worth, happiness and value in God instead of wells that will leave us always coming back. We need to stop drinking the water easily available to us thinking it will keep us alive when in reality it's killing us. So how do we do this? What does it look like to drink the eternal water from the one true source? It means that instead of holding onto people's words and actions you hold onto God’s promise and love. It means you look first within yourself, to be still and listen. The devil will put you out in the desert and supply wells for you along the way but sometimes it's not what's available to you but what's already inside of you. God is in you and speaking to you. Your well isn't others but what's inside of you already. You'll get hit by a wave but you know how to swim, your body will kick into action. God will kick into action.
What's easy and available like salt water isn't always for you. What's hidden and takes work often is the well we need to go to. Remember that God appeared to her and point blank asked for water and she denied him. He will appear to you but not always in ways you think. Don’t be quick to say no to new things but be cautious. I'm not saying people, places and things can't help us or be the cup. Jesus was a person and although he himself wasn't the living water he supplied the cup to it. People can be the vessel in which we get to the living water. Places can lead us to the well but they aren't the water. Don't mistake a vessel for the actual thing, the cup for the water.
Waves are needed and salt water is helpful. It reminds us what's real and how good it tastes when we get the real thing. Don’t stay lonely on the beach because it wasn't made for that. Don’t miss out on being out there in the deep with everyone else. Don’t let a wave stop you from going back out. Allow life to happen because only then will you realize the promise was always there. We have to be thirsty to reach for the cup. We have to go to the wrong well to realize the right one. Thirst isn't bad, it's how you fill that thirst that can be bad. We are going to get thirsty being out in the water, it will happen but remember you can always go and get that Aquafina.