Before I make my next statement let me just start off by saying that I absolutely love my parents to death. There was a time however where I dreaded going to dinner with them. Now, at the rightful age of 25 it turns out that I’m the one asking and they’re the ones blowing me off. It’s weird how life comes around. Well, as much as I love them they are embarrassing sometimes. I think they embarrass me on purpose so that I’ll stop third wheeling (ya’ll I got the hint). The recent embarrassing thing that they did was designing a flag for their new home. They just bought their dream home on the river so that my Dad can one day retire and have his boat in his backyard. I never knew my parents knew how to work Etsy till one day I realized we kept getting packages and it wasn’t from the usual Amazon. I, myself had to block my credit card on Etsy because at all hours of the day I would go on and buy matching things for my dog and myself. After buying us matching Christmas pajamas I finally realized I have an issue. I guess you can say my love for buying unnecessary things comes from my dad. Anyways, so one day I saw a package made out to my parents and my nosy self-decided “Hey, what’s theirs is mine and what’s mine is mine”, so I opened the package. To my horror it was a flag my dad designed that had him and my mom on it and giant letters spelling out “Welcome to the Hernandez Dock”. I looked at this flag and hoped someone bought it for them so that I could just easily dispose of it. My dad later called me and to his excitement he goes, “Gena, I found this awesome online place where I can buy anything. I designed a flag for your mother and I and I am going to surprise her”. I tried really hard not to laugh and instead told him how cute it sounded. I couldn’t break his little heart and tell him there is no way he is going to fly that. So now on our new dock we have a flag of my parents on it and to add to the show my Dad got “mood changing lights” for the dock. If anyone is in Virginia and sees a dock changing colors and has some strange couple on a flag flying high and proud, well…. Welcome to the Hernandez’s.
I have to say that I admire my dad for flying a flag high for all to see that has him on it. My worst nightmare would be to look outside my window and see myself waving in the wind. The only time wind is acceptable is if I was in a Beyoncé music video and there was a large fan blowing my luscious locks. The more I think about this flag though the more I realize there is a deeper meaning attached. I have a weird way of pulling lessons out of everything and trying to make it work so hopefully yall get this one.
My dad has taught me a lot through the years and one lesson he taught me is that you have to be your own best friend and cheerleader. Working with my dad I get the blessing of hearing his wise advice on any given day. One day at work he came up to me and asked who I thought was the best salesperson I have ever met. I sat and thought for a few minutes then named off a man I admired who worked at another store. This man was salesperson of the month every month and in fact has been salesperson of the month for the past three years. After I said this guy’s name my dad looked at me like I had a third eye, he loudly said “WHATTTTTT”. I blinked at him and in my head I was thinking “what, I gave you an answer?”. He put his arm around me and told me something I’ll always remember. He said, “Gena, why in the world would you not say yourself? If you don’t think you’re the best then you’re hurting yourself. I will always say I’m the best because if I don’t believe it I’ll never be able to convince anyone likewise”. I told him I knew I wasn’t the best and I wanted to be humble. “humbleness Gena is a great trait to have but an even better trait is loving yourself’. He was right! My dad loves us but he has such a deep love for himself because of this reasoning. He understands that you are with you more than anyone else is with you so why wouldn’t you show yourself the deepest understanding of love and compassion?
We as humans are so quick to judge ourselves. We are all too ready to tell ourselves we can’t do something or we aren’t worthy. We tell ourselves the lie that we play in our heads continuously throughout the day. I know I do this far too often. I doubt myself and question my abilities and my purpose.
When I was going to school to sell cars I would sit in the back of the class and not say a word. My dad owns a store and I didn’t want anyone to know I was his daughter. My whole life I’ve been Jim’s daughter and although I’m so proud to have that title it discredits me a little. I thought everyone would think I was going to use the dad card and that I had nothing to offer besides being his daughter. When people at his store found out I was coming to sell for him some of them even quit because they thought I was going to get treated differently. It really hurt my heart to know people were creating assumptions about me before even meeting me. On the last day of class, they told us about this competition we would all take place in a few months from then. They talked about the final stage of the competition if you were lucky and made it that far. I could honestly tell you I don’t know a thing they said. I immediately stopped listening because I doubted myself and said there was no way I’d make it that far. I’ve never been exceptional at anything and so I thought I’d just float along in this job not making any waves. Well my first month selling cars I sold more than anyone else in the store. I was not only the only woman but I was the newest and youngest salesperson yet I still didn’t believe in myself. Like a lot of you we don’t look at our accomplishments but focus on our failures.
Two months into my selling career the competition took place. We had to show a new vehicle and list off benefits and features the car had. We did the “walk around” in front of judges and they graded all of us. My dad was not involved in the process so that people wouldn’t be able to say he tampered the scores. I was dreading this competition and just wanted to get it over and go back to focus on selling. They called us all in a room and they named third place, and second place. My name was not called and I was not surprised so I just got my fake smile ready for whoever won. They named who won and I looked to the guy who I was expecting to win and he told me “congratulations”. It took me a second to realize they called out my name. I thought they were joking but my dad got this huge smile on his face and called me up. I was stunned. I was moving on to the final round. The final round consisted of 20 other salespersons and may I mention I was once again the only woman AND the youngest. I had the least amount of experience. I knew I wouldn’t even be close to winning so I just tried to enjoy the day. One of the people I was up against won this competition state wide. I was honestly just happy I was getting a free dinner and lunch out of this mess. The competition was streamed live for all the 20 stores in the company to watch. I was going to be live in front of thousands of people going over information I had just recently learned. That’s not scary at all, right? To decide the order, we had to pull a number out of a hat to dictate when we would go. Of course, like a sick joke I pulled out the number 1. I didn’t get to watch anyone before me and steal snazzy sayings because I was first. All the other mangers and the head of the company were sitting in a room watching us go. My dad was in that room so I wanted to make him proud and just give it my all with no expectations attached. Four hours later after everyone went the managers and owner of the company came into the room all the contestants were in. They named the top 5 starting with number 5. Fifth place was named and of course to no surprise I wasn’t named. The fourth place was called out and the guy who won it state wide was called up. Now it was time for the top three and I just sat there ready to clap for whoever won and to get in my car and go home. The competition was over an hour away so I had been staying at a hotel with the other contestants. They called out third place and I just remember my dad walking up to me in front of everyone and with tears in his eyes and hugged me. I GOT THIRD PLACE! Ok, you may be thinking third isn’t that great but its third out of over 1,500 employees and this was just my second month in the industry. I couldn’t believe it. Never in a million years did I think I would make it to the final round AND place.
That competition wasn’t just a competition to me but a huge lesson. I walked into that competition with my head down expecting nothing. I doubted my worth and therefor thought it was impossible for me to do well. After that competition I finally started to believe in myself and take myself seriously.
My whole life I have been the jokester and the one in the group that didn’t take life too seriously. Most of the time though my jokes were pointed at myself because I had really low self-esteem. I decided to make fun of myself first to save me from others doing it. I was bullied a lot so I decided to make jokes of it to hide the pain. Some days I didn’t even like looking in the mirror. I had no plans for my future because I didn’t think I’d be capable to do anything. Talk about depressing!
A lot of people have the same syndrome I had and still struggle with, that being self-doubt and low self-esteem. We hide in the back, underestimate ourselves, and doubt our capabilities. We don’t look at our accomplishments the same way others do. A great example of our thinking comes from a Forrest Gump quote which is the quote I used for my senior yearbook. Forrest says, “I don't know if mama was right, that we each have a destiny, or if it was Lt Dan, that we are all just floating around, accidental, like on a breeze, but I think... I think... maybe... it's both happening at the same time.” I believed I was just floating in the breeze with no clear path or destination.
Why do we think this? Why do we tell ourselves this? And why do we believe it’s true? I believe that love conquers all but before we get to that love we are just aiming at what society is telling us. I like metaphors because it helps me put something abstract into real life. So, think of it like this, you have a bow an arrow and your goal is to obviously hit the target. WHAT YOU SHOOT FOR IS WHAT DEFINES YOU, IT’S CRUCIAL. You have the option of trying to hit moving targets that have no pattern in the way they move. They are unpredictable in where they will go next. Or, you can hit one solid, stationary, concrete target that will never move or change. The obvious thing to do is hit the standing target that is not going to change its path on you. However, everyday we choose the moving ones, the unstable ones. The unstable targets are the goals society puts out for us, “Couple goals”, “image goals”, “job goals” etc.… Goals that society places on us are always changing year after year. Once you get the newest high-tech phone a few months later the papers tell you an even better one is out..its non stop. We can’t hold onto societal goals because they’re unstable, we can’t dictate the path they’re going on. It’s a false foundation yet we aim for them and let them ultimately define us.
The stationary target that will always be there and never change on you is God’s promise. God promises if we give ourselves to Him then He will give us the desires of our heart. He is always working on the good for and in us even if we don’t see it. All we have to do is aim for Him and His promise and we will be defined by truth that is stable in the word. Outside influences only add to our doubt and self-esteem, it empties us. God however fills us up and allows our cup to overflow. ALWAYS AIM FOR GOD WHO IS NEVER CHANGING RATHER THEN THE UNSTABLE VIEWS OF SOCIETY.
I bring up this metaphor because its crucial we end our old patterns and begin again new with God. Every day he saves us and wipes our slate clean. We don’t have to carry around those heavy thoughts, feelings, and burdens that drag us down day in and out. If we know what and how we want to be defined and we have a clear understanding of how to get there then we will start to experience a rebirth of greatness.
Go back now to the hideous flag my Dad bought my mom for their new home. I mentioned how I would be horrified to see my face on anything none the less something for all to see. The lesson my Dad taught me through this flag is that we have to fly our flag high. YOU MUST FLY YOUR OWN FLAG BECAUSE NOBODY ELSE WILL. What does flying your flag mean? Flying your flag is the act of being confident in who you are and what you can do. DON’T BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF BUT LIFT YOURSELF HIGH FOR ALL TO SEE. My Dad’s face on this flag flying in the backyard is a constant reminder to lift myself up and to be proud of what defines me. We get this confidence to do so by aiming our target on our never changing God and stop aiming at society. Believe in yourself. Sit in the front of the class, hold your head high, strive to win the competition (for you), and begin to feel the washing away of societal terms. Always think about what you’re putting your worth in. If its not forever stable and the only thing being that is God then it will rip your flag apart. His love and promise is like wind lifting us up and making us a site to see.
I hope one day you get the chance to see our colorful mood lighting dock with that flag that I now define as life changing. I hope you find the right target and you allow the right things to define who you are. I hope you begin to see you’re incredible worth and capabilities. The flag went from embarrassment and shame to beautiful and wise. Allow yourself to be free from the same embarrassment and shame. FLY HIGH AND ALWAYS PUT YOUR FLAG UP.