Life isn't about the Bunny Slope

When I was in Middle School and High School I would go on the church's ski trip. I was always looking forward to being on the high school trip because they got to go to Pennsylvania and ski on real snow. The years before on the Middle School trip they would just take us to some ski place in Virginia that had more fake snow than on the set of The Grinch.  

The first day we went skiing I stayed on the Bunny slope because all I know how to do is pizza (a ski position for stop) and scream. The second day the older classmen asked me to go on the Black Diamond with them. My inner Gena said, "the hell you won't, do you want to die?" But the young Gena that wanted to make a good impression said yes. Those three letters were about to give me the best workout of my life. I can't even get off the ski ramp unless they shut it off or slow it down. YES. I'm that girl that makes the lines extremely long because they have to help me off the ramp. 

The first test was getting off the ramp and fool them into thinking I belonged in the Olympics. I got off the ramp  (phew, thank God) now it's just me and the "cool kids" waiting to go down. I looked down and saw my immediate death. Everyone is ready, I say my last words in my head, and I go. I pizzaed my whole way down but held in my screaming cause cmon cool kids don't scream. I'm thinking in my head that I'm nailing this when BAM, I eat shit. I'm that person that people video and send into America's Funniest Home Videos, that person you feel bad for cause you can feel not only their pain but their shame. At this point I can only see all white and I declare myself dead until I started feeling the numbing cold of the snow seaping into my socks. I sat up and realized I only had one ski. I look up and sure enough that lil guy is halfway up the mountain of doom. I grunted, told God I got his sick joke then began to climb up the mountain. Now keep in mind I'm in my ski clothes. You cant move in ski clothes none of the less trudge through knee deep snow. I looked like the Michillan man walking up the mountain. I dodged skiers just like how I dodged thinking about what the older kids would be saying. I don't think I've ever been so cold and hot at the same time and don't even mention embarrassed. People as they skied down were cheering me on because they saw the struggle was real. It took me an hour to get back up the mountain of hell. I hated life but guess what, I CHALLENGED MYSELF AND WENT FOR IT. 

How many of you are on top of the black diamond looking down?  You look down and see everything that could go wrong. You measure your abilities then either one of two things happen 1) you pull a freshman Gena or 2) you opt out and go back on the Bunny slope where you know you are going to have success.  

In life you have two options 1) take the black diamond and risk it or 2) go back to the Bunny slope because you know you'll exceed.  If we always stay in the same place or do the same thing because we know we will see success we are cheating ourselves out of an opportunity to grow. Life is about going down the black diamond, taking risks, challenging yourself, aiming high. THE WORST IS THAT YOU FALL AND HAVE TO CLIMB BACK UP IN YOUR SKI CLOTHES. Like me though people will be on the sidelines cheering you on, I'll be cheering you on. 

YOU CANT LIVE ON THE BUNNY SLOPE JUST BECAUSE YOURE SCARED OF FAILURE. DONT HOLD BACK DUE TO FEAR. Do things you know you won't succeed in because it's in those moments where we grow the most. YOU CANT LIVE IN A STATE OF BEING COMFORTABLE.  

Want to know what slopes I go down now? The black diamond. I risked it and failed but I climbed back up and kept attempting till I got it. It's all about climbing back up and trying again. You might have to have them slow the ramp down for you but at least attempt it. You'll never know if you never try. LIFE IS NOT ABOUT THE BUNNY SLOPE.  

The Secret of Time

I have only ever been in two weddings but it seems now that weddings are the only thing happening at my age. I open Facebook or Instagram and there is another engagement. The first wedding I was ever in I was around the age of 6 and was a flower girl. I had this big poofy white dress on and shiny white shoes (you know those shoes your mom used to make you wear for Easter and church when you were little). My older sister was the other flower girl in her matching poofy dress. I was to go first dropping my flowers from my basket to pave the way for my sister. Well....knowing the typical Gena my timing was off and I stared to walk down the aisle way too early. Halfway down the aisle I hear a "ppppssstttt" it was the wedding planner calling me back. I embarrassingly enough ran back while everyone laughed at me. I was mortified and couldn't stop crying. My timing was off, way off.

Has your timing ever been off? You started down the aisle too soon only to be called back. Timing is such a weird concept but something we all share and agree on 1) we all want more time and 2) we all want timing to be on our side. Timing can be that sweet kiss on the cheek or that kick to the shin.

It's weird how sometimes the thing/person is right but the timing is off. IF ITS NOT THE RIGHT TIME IT WILL NEVER WORK. Here we go back to that control factor where we try and control everything to happen in the time frame we want it to. The thing is, LIFE IS SO MUCH SWEETER WHEN ITS IN GOD'S TIMING. We may pray a prayer or hope for a certain outcome and we don't get it when we want. We automatically assume that prayer wasn't answered or we flat out got a "No". WHAT IVE LEARNED IS THAT NOTHING REVOLVES AROUND OUR TIMING BUT HIS. We have to get timing out of our head because it will only lead us to missed expectations and heartbreak. ITS NOT THAT HE DIDN'T ANSWER YOUR PRAYER BUT INSTEAD HE IS WAITING FOR THE RIGHT TIME WHERE YOU'LL BE ABLE TO ACTUALLY SEE HIS GLORY. If our eyes are closed we will miss something, same thing with time. If he answers our prayers when we want him to we will most of the time miss what he is trying to teach us. We think we are ready but we aren't, he waits till we have the right tools before he gives us the blessing. TIMING ISN'T OURS AND AS SOON AS YOU BEGIN TO REALIZE AND TRUST THAT YOU'LL START SEEING MORE AND MORE BLESSINGS. Trust the process, trust the journey and know that timing is on your side if you just place it in the right hands.

The Note of Integrity

Have you ever given a car a love tap while parking? You measure the distance, you measured your ability then you went for it. BAM, you lightly tap the other car. You realize your depth perception is a little off; you begin to question your driving abilities and your driving instructor’s life decisions. I love tapped a vehicle in the Outback parking lot, a sweet innocent little white minivan. After hitting this minivan I sat there in my car wondering what to do next. I didn’t see a scratch so I backed out of the spot and parked across the parking lot. I remember that moment all the time because you know what that moment lacked? Integrity. If you answered YES to love tapping a vehicle (I know I’m not the only one who has, I’ve seen some of yall drive) what did you do next? Hide and avoid possible consequences or did you leave a note.

IT’S ALL ABOUT THE NOTE, THE NOTE OF INTEGRITY. In the dictionary integrity is defined as,
“the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness. (Have you ever heard of the word “uprightness”? yea me either). Anyways, integrity is about DOING THE RIGHT THING WHEN NOBODY IS LOOKING.

DOES YOUR LIFE INCLUDE THE NOTE OF INTEGRITY OR DO YOU PARK ACROSS THE PARKING LOT?

I like results and fast results, most of us do. We avoid anything that takes up our time or could put us in a situation where we don’t come out on top. We SAFE SHIELD OUR LIFE BECAUSE IT THROWS US OFF OUR TRACK.  We have a one track mind; get to point A to point B as fast and easy as possible. A lot of times integrity involves us having to get off our track or having us go to point C. INTEGRITY ISNT EASY BUT IT IS WORTH IT. Sometimes in order to get ahead we have to take a step in a direction we did not plan. I didn’t plan to hit that car, it would have taken time and money if I left a note plus nobody was watching right? WRONG, God is watching us. We are always given the opportunity to do the right thing its whether or not we take it. Hiding across the parking lot only hurts us, in the end it’s a farther walk. I went from a parking spot up close to one in the dark all the way in the back of the lot. INTEGRITY WILL NEVER HURT YOU BUT GROW YOU.

ALWAYS LEAVE THE NOTE.

THERE IS NO WRONG SIDE OF THE BED

My dad always tells me, “Gena remember tomorrow is not promised, you could wake up with a tag on your toe”. Blunt, yes but true? HELL YES. Sometimes we can get lost in the sauce and forget how short and valuable life is. One of the best concerts I’ve ever been to was Alicia Keys. She has a song that rang true and hit me hard when it was played at my friend’s funeral in high school. In the song there is a line that says, “I don't wanna forget the present is a gift”. How true is that? I know sometimes I wake up in a bad mood, I take the day for granted, I take the people I meet for granted, I take what I do for granted. How many of us say “oh I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed”. AT LEAST YOU WOKE UP, THERE IS NO WRONG SIDE OF THE BED AS LONG AS YOU WAKE UP.

I had a friend in high school, star football player, healthy as a horse (or so they thought), twin, had an amazing family and his faith in God was unreal. One day during his freshman year of high school he was at a birthday party with his twin when his heart gave out. He died in the ambulance. A freshman in high school…..he was so young and had so much talent.  His funeral was so massive that the auditorium in our high school couldn’t hold all the people. The football team carried in his casket with his jersey draped over it.  I think back to that funeral and all the people he touched in his short life. Have you ever thought who would be at your funeral? Who will drive to be there, who will fly, who will take the time out of their day to celebrate your life. WHO HAVE YOU TOUCHED?

We have the ability every day to change someone’s life, to change our life. You are never too old to start something new; you are never too off course to begin again, YOU ARE NEVER NOT ABLE TO BEGIN TO LOVE THE LIFE YOU LIVE. Every day is a fresh start to begin again and realize the present is a gift. So let me ask you this…..are you doing what you love? ARE YOU WAKING UP EVERYDAY DOING SOMETHING THAT SETS YOUR SOUL ON FIRE? If you die tomorrow can you go out saying “I lived my best life”? I asked my mentor yesterday what his last words would be and what he said slapped me in the face… he replied, “Gena, all I would say is “Thank you””. CAN YOUR LAST WORDS BE THANK YOU? Why wake up and go to a job that you don’t like, why hangout with people who bring you down, why be stuck in a relationship that doesn’t better you? We always think oh I’ll do it tomorrow or I’ll do it another time but STOP PUTTING OFF WHAT YOU CAN DO TODAY. STOP PUTTING OFF YOUR LIFE.

I’m the worst at this, “I’ll start my diet tomorrow”, “I’ll stop talking to this person next time they say something mean”, “I’ll go on another mission trip later on”. WHY DO WE STARVE OURSELVES FROM THINGS THAT WILL FEED WHO WE ARE? THERE IS NO TIME LIKE THE PRESENT.  I made a promise to myself this month that I’ll do what Gena wants to do. If it doesn’t better me, then I have no time for it. I started a new job and I LOVE IT. I stopped putting God off; I stopped putting myself off… I AM LIVING IN THE NOW.

YOUR LIFE IS A GIFT, OPEN IT.

START NOW, START TODAY, START LIVING YOUR LIFE AND WHILE YOU DO THAT YOUR AUDITORIUM WILL FILL UP.

Do what you love. If you need help getting started email me. I’d love to talk to you all about life and getting started because sometimes we need a push. I’m here for you, now get off whatever device you’re on and start your day.

Ride Your Wave

I experienced/am experiencing the biggest wave of my life currently. As many know I moved to Texas two months ago, thousands of miles away from the place where I lived for 17 years. I never have really been away from my family because when I went to college it was only 30 min away, I was always in arms reach. I moved knowing about one person in Texas, no family, no real support system. Scariest decision of my life. I would be lying if I said this move was easy, it’s been anything but. I’m at square one, new job, trying to find friends, trying to adjust to a new life, and dealing with the grief of being away from my family. I’m pretty sure I cried every night for the first month I lived here. God thought it would be funny to play a sick joke on me so within my first month of moving I got my first flat tire, I chipped my two front teeth, I got hospitalized because they thought I had Appendicitis, I cracked my windshield and had to get a new one, I got down to .10 cents in my account, and a friendship that meant the world to me ended. I WAS AT ROCK BOTTOM. I WAS RIDING THE BIGGEST WAVE OF MY LIFE.

I love the idea of a wave, you don’t know when or where it starts but you know it’ll always end. Some waves are big and they crash into the shore while others are subtle and only a ripple, ending soon after it is born. LIFE IS ONE GIANT WAVE. We don’t always know when a hard time is going to come but we do know (we don’t in the moment) but we eventually realize that hard times always have an ending. YOU HAVE TO RIDE OUT YOUR WAVE. Waves end at the beach, the beach is refined by each wave that ultimately hits its shores. WE ARE REFINED BY EVERY WAVE THAT ENTERS OUR LIFE, THOSE WAVES ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR WHO WE ARE TODAY. We can’t fight the hard times because we don’t have control over it; they are going to come so you have two options 1) get stuck in the undertow or 2) ride the damn wave.

Here is something else to think about, so we get the wave is a hard time, the beach is what is being refined by that wave, now how do we ride the wave? Easy, ride it like every other person does, get on your surfboard. Our surfboard, the thing that keeps us afloat is God, he is our foundation that keeps us from being dragged by the wave. We may get knocked off the board at times, distance ourselves from him but he is always hanging on through the lanyard. We will never be separated from him. HE IS ALWAYS IN ARMS REACH INCASE THE WAVE OF LIFE KNOCKS US OFF. I got knocked off the wave when I moved; I was caught in the undertow not realizing the whole time the lanyard was connected to me, GOD WAS STILL HOLDING ON EVEN THOUGH I WASN’T.  Once I realized he was still there although I got knocked off I was able to drag my tired soul back onto the board to make it to shore. I’m still not at shore, I’m at the peak of the wave but IM ON THE DAMN BOARD AND THAT’S ALL THAT MATTERS. You don’t have to be standing on the board but as long as you’re on it, you aren’t going to lose. YOU WILL MAKE IT. My beach will be refined by this wave and I’m excited for that moment. I’m excited to look back and realize why things happened/ happening the way they are.

Get on your board. You won’t stop waves from coming into your life but you have the power to decide if you’re going to get on the board or not. RIDE YOUR WAVE!

Take Your Seat

Comparison is the thief of all joy; it robs us of our individuality. One of my mentors would always tell me “Stop trying to be like everyone else they are already taken, you are already taken by you”. Sure, I lie to myself and say I don’t compare because I know it’s wrong but am I human? Yes so yes I compare myself, my story and my life to others. I mean c’mon if I stood in front of a room and asked everyone if they have ever compared themselves to someone to raise their hand I would know someone was lying if not everyone in the room raised their hand. At one point or another in our life we have battled with comparison.

Why do we compare? Why do I compare? That’s where we (I) have to get raw and be vulnerable. We have to be honest with our reasoning because why lie if we are trying to better ourselves and better yet why lie when you’re not the only one feeling this way or doing this. I compare because somewhere in me I do not feel like I’m good enough, somewhere in me I don’t fully love myself, somewhere in me I am craving more because I either dropped the ball on something or am too scared to get what I really want. COMPARISON STEMS FROM THE INSIDE BUT IS BASED ON THE OUTSIDE. WE HAVE NO RIGHT TO COMPARE BECAUSE WE DON’T KNOW THE BATTLES PEOPLE ARE QUIETLY FIGHTING.

OUR OUTSIDE DOES NOT GIVE AN ACCURATE REPRESENTATION OF OUR INSIDE. We compare ourselves to an image, not what is actually truth. My biggest problem is Instagram. Oh, does Instagram start the compassion battle hardcore in my life. INSTAGRAM IS PEOPLE’S HIGHLIGHT REEL OF WHAT THEY WANT OTHERS TO THINK THEIR LIFE IS ACTUALLY LIKE. How many times have I changed a situation to make a picture better, edited a picture, deleted a picture because it didn’t portray what I wanted it to. If we all knew the beginning of that picture we wouldn’t compare. We are all going through things but we cover it up by fake happiness, temporary joy. I’m basing my emotions my worth on someone’s false identity. WHAT THE HELL!

Want to know something pretty awesome? You have a seat at the table. Now you’re probably like what the hell table are you talking about, I’m talking about the only table that matters, God’s table. You see we all compare and fight for a seat when we each have our own seat with our name on it. I’m comparing myself to this girl because she is pretty, has the perfect mate, looks like she is always traveling on Instagram and I get in this rut. I think I’m missing out on something or not good enough. THE THING IS THOUGH WE ALL HAVE A SEAT AT GODS TABLE BUT WE ACT LIKE WE NEED AN INVITATION. We are all going to sit together, together, let me repeat this WE ARE ALL SITTING TOGETHER. NOBODOY’S SEAT IS BETTER THEY ARE ALL THE SAME. So why are we comparing when we will be sitting next to the person later on. I have to remind myself daily that I’m not fighting for a seat or an invitation. With the most perfect calligraphy my name is written on the seat right next to Him.

So take a breath, get off Instagram, know your worth and know that you have a seat. That pretty girl who travels has a seat next to you, that guy who is struggling with depression has a seat next to her. WE ARE ALL GOING TO BE SITTING NEXT TO ONE ANOTHER, AT THE SAME PARTY, AT THE SAME TABLE.

Raw Rejection

Rejection, the word that makes us cringe, the word that makes us want to lay in bed all day with chocolate hiding away from anything that walks or breaths. Rejection is up there along with the word “disappointed”. Let’s be real for a moment, the worse thing to hear from your parents is not that they’re mad at you (they’ll get over it) but when they say they’re disappointed ouch…that one goes straight to the heart. THE WORD REJECTION FOR ME DOES A VERY SIMILAR THING EXCEPT I DON’T HEAR IT, I FEEL IT. I feel rejection in every ounce of my body, taking every positive thing I ever thought about myself and labeling it as FALSE. Rejection opens wounds we sometimes don’t realize we have. It’s that wedge that separates reality from anything and everything bad that we believe to be true about ourselves. It puts a filter over our world where we see ourselves as this unwanted thing, not worthy of what or who passed us by. We begin rating ourselves and our worth, often times lowering ourselves to what we believe to be true. Other people’s lives start to look like a fairytale and we begin to compare. Have you ever realized though that anyone you compare yourself to you automatically pick someone who you think will win just so you can feel bad for yourself? Anytime I compare myself I pick the prettiest girl, one who I know in my head I think is better than me so that those bad feelings I feel about myself are validated. It’s like we almost want the world to end so what we are thinking can seem logical, but it’s not, just like how rejection isn’t a thing.

We are never really rejected because the one person whose opinion matters, loves us no matter what we do. We could royally f up and he is still smiling and loving us unconditionally. Rejection is a human word and feeling we created, it’s not in his vocabulary because rejection isn’t a thing. REJECTION FEELS AS REAL AS THE RAIN ON OUR SKIN BUT I CAN ASSURE YOU REJECTION IS NOT REAL. I know for me rejection is always present even if something didn’t happen that would make me feel rejected. I will dig up past words said about me, to me, past actions and place them in the present. PAST “REJECTIONS” HAVE NO PLACE IN THE PRESENT MOMENT OF YOUR LIFE. I even have the ability of placing past rejections onto people and relationships when rejection wasn’t even in the picture to begin with, I carry it with me like a shadow. How do you get rid of that shadow? IDK (yes that’s the real answer I have for you)

I’m figuring out how to deal with rejection just like every other human but I do know these things. REJECTION CAN BE REAL TO US BUT ITS NOT REAL TO GOD. We humans are all lost trying to figure out what move to make next in the game of life. One person is not higher than you, their opinion of you does not weigh in at the end of what really matters. If they reject you it means they weren’t meant to be in your life. "REJECTION" IS GOD SCREAMING AT YOU THAT THE CHAPTER IS OVER AND YOU NEED TO TURN THE PAGE. Stop rereading the script and highlighting the bad parts when the play is over. Stay in reality and separate the story you made up in your head about yourself from who you really are, which is awesome. Remember your worth and know that rejection may be a feeling but it's not a word in God's vocabulary. 

Be the one

I’m in a period of my life where I am single. Some days get hard because we all want that person. I want that person who is my rock and always there for me. I want that person who makes me better and helps me grow on every level of life. I often times though get off focus with my thoughts and feelings. I think to myself “what is wrong with me”, “what am I missing that other people have”, “why am I single”. Sure I think I’m funny and a great catch but I often times think I’m missing something. I end up trying to force things, feeling depressed, beating myself up, feeling rejected.

If there is one thing we can control in this life it is our focus. I HATE when I am not in control. For examples I hate airplanes with a passion because all I can do is sit there in that scratchy too small of a seat and let other people control my life. Many of us have that control factor where we fear what we can’t control and forget what we can. Focus is one thing that we as humans can control and have the reigns on. We control what we focus on, who we focus on, it’s all on us. My focus as well as many others who I have spoken with is off. INSTEAD OF FOCUSING ON BEING THE RIGHT PERSON IM FOCUSED ON FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON. Instead of investing time in myself I am trying to find someone who I can love and will love me back and it’s exhausting. I’m always focusing on if I can dress better, improve the way I talk, be a little bit more witty then maybe someone will fall for me. I have it all backwards though. BY SEARCHING FOR SOMEONE YOU LOSE YOURSELF. You stop feeding your soul, you stop being who you really are. You become this thing, this human who doesn’t even recognize themselves because they are becoming something they’re not in hopes someone will like it.

THE ONLY WAY TO FIND THE RIGHT PERSON AND HAVE THE RIGHT PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE IS IF YOUR  HEART AND MIND ARE FOCUSED ON BEING THE BEST YOU POSSIBLE. By doing what you love, investing in yourself you’ll find a joy that you gave yourself, not from someone else. Joy can be shared but not given; someone will not give you the joy you need to sustain you. You have to be happy with yourself before someone comes into your life. IF YOURE NOT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR YOU, YOU WONT ATTRACT THE RIGHT PERSON. When you reach that place in life where you are simply happy with yourself, you love yourself, you can depend on yourself, and then the right person will walk into your life. It’s not about the search but us preparing ourselves not only for our future spouse but for our future self.

My past, I didn’t love myself, I wasn’t happy just being Gena, I didn’t work on my soul and my why. I searched and found myself unhappy and exhausted. Recently I have decided to find my true joy and seek happiness from myself. The start to finding myself is this blog. I love to write, I love to share my story, so I will do just that. I love to wear my hair in a bun so instead of straightening my hair every day to try and attract someone I’ll wear my hair loud and proud in a bun. Its simple things that we starve ourselves of to find the right person but, when you get those things back then that’s when the magic happens. So do what you love, eat what you want, wear what you want, and begin to love yourself for who you are. WHEN YOU FINALLY LOVE AND ACCEPT YOURSELF YOU WILL NO LONGER NEED TO FIND SOMEONE TO COMPLETE YOU BECAUSE YOU COMPLETED YOURSELF.

Here is your homework. Make a list of everything that sets your soul on fire and begin to do them. Everyday do something that makes you happy and fall back in love with yourself. Each step is a step closer to finding true joy.

What is your WHY?

Wake up. Chug coffee. Burn my mouth. Go to work. Come home. Sleep. That’s my mouse wheel. Some days I wake up ready to take on the world while other days I rather be trapped in an elevator with all my Ex’s. The thing is though that on those days I didn’t want to get up are the days I forgot my why.

WHAT IS YOUR WHY? (take this time to think)

We all need to have a why. Why we wake up, why we go to work, why we fight for things, WHY WE LIVE. Living without a why is playing a sport, going into the game and not knowing the rules. It’s like going into battle and not having a game plan, you’re going to lose. OUR WHY IS THE CENTER OF OUR PURPOSE, it’s what we revolve around. The beautiful thing is that each why is different. Some whys may be for money, for future successes, to better themselves, their why may be for somebody or something. My why is my family and my faith.

I wake up for two things, my loved ones and my God. I work hard because my parents worked hard for me. I wake up because my family needs me. I FIGHT BECAUSE I HAVE A GOD WHO FIGHTS FOR ME. I keep walking because my God is walking with me. It’s easy to forget our why and fall into a pattern of life where we feel like we are on a mouse wheel. EACH DAY HAS A MEANING AND THAT’S YOUR WHY, THAT’S WHAT SETS EACH DAY APART. Don’t fall into the pit of meaningless days but remember your why and get up. Put your why on a post it note on your mirror, frame your why and put it on your desk. Remind yourself continuously why you do the things you do. ONCE YOU FIND YOUR WHY YOU WILL FIND EACH DAY IS A NEW ADVENTURE TO GET YOU TO WHERE YOU NEED TO BE.

For my family, thank you for giving me the strength to write this blog. For my God, thank you for waking me up today.

FIND YOUR WHY.

The Art of Vulnerability

Vulnerability, the test of courage and bravery. The true estimate of our souls. The unveiling of our deepest thoughts and fears. Its like in Harry Potter when he looks in the mirror and everything he is scared of shows up but he can't let them win. Vulnerability is so scary, it makes me want to run in the opposite direction. I want to hide and cover up my wounds. I think bandaging up the parts will save me but it only breaks me.

The hardest thing in life and biggest testimony to faith is when someone uses your vulnerabilities against you. We finally build up the courage and knock the wall down only to be criticized by the same thing that sets us free. 

Vulnerability is accepting the fear of the unknown and trusting God in guiding youre steps. Its about putting away all the traps and letting people in. I know I don't often let people in because once I do I know it is real. We all have a story to tell, all that separates us is if we tell it or not. God gives us these moments of vulnerability to reach us. Imagine this, God is born at the top of a ladder and us well, the bottom. Instead of climbing higher God humbles himself and climbs down to meet the needy. We are born at the bottom and while we have no right we spend our lives trying to climb up the ladder. Many of us will miss God as we strive to go up and he humbly goes down. Vulnerability allows us to meet him halfway on the ladder. We accept where we are and for who we are so we can look into the eyes of the one that made us. 

We hide what we think makes us imperfect. We stash it away for those days we want to dwell and feel sorry for ourselves, at least I do this. Vulnerability is the only way we can share and receive love. Being our truest form. DON'T LET ANYONE HARDEN YOU HEART FOR BEING VULNERABLE. Instead thank God that he gave you the heart to be vulnerable. VULNERABILITY IS STRENGTH, COURAGE and BRAVERY. The only way to keep going and finding how who and why is by being vulnerable. The power of vulnerability can move mountains and connect tribes. Take that chance, ask them on the date, share your testimony, do something new. WHATEVER YOU DO REMEMBER THE POWER OF VULNERABILITY. 

Just Keep Standing

Heartbreak: the pure essence of pain. Heartbreak doesn't just teach you a lesson but it changes you. It hits you in your core and extends out till your whole body hurts. It's that step outside on a cold morning that takes your breath away when it hits you. Things that used to make sense don't, meanings go out the window. Colors change, touch feels different, taste becomes bland. One thing I've learned is that you can't make sense of heartbreak and you'll drive yourself crazy trying. Don't look for the why because no matter what that chapter ended. People come into our lives for a reason or for a season. We don't have the right to hang on because they were never ours to begin with. We burn our hands holding onto a rope that has nothing on the other end, they let go already.

I've been there more times than I want to admit. I've been jealous of the breeze that touches them or the stranger that gets that smile as they pass them by. But what I have to remember, what you have to remember is that YOUR LUNGS STILL WORK AND YOUR HEART STILL HAS THE ABILITY TO NOT ONLY LOVE BUT TO BE LOVED. Heartbreak doesn't determine your worth. Do yourself a favor and get the word rejection out of your vocabulary. You are wanted by someone who loves you UNCONDITIONALLY AND ENDLESSLY.

Heartbreak although it doesn't feel like it but it is only a moment in time that will end. THIS TOO SHALL PASS. Allow yourself to grieve and feel the pain then get up. JUST KEEP STANDING. Whatever you do just stand. I am more than my bruised heart, I am stronger than this moment. Now take a deep breath with me, put your hand over your beating heart and STAND.

Law of Averages

Have you ever had that day, week, month, hell even year when you feel like nothing is going right? No matter what you do, something no matter how big or small but something is missing. You walk through the motions of life, forcing a smile. You live off the phrase, "fake it till you make it". Yea, I've been there. In fact I am there, right in the middle of uncertainty. I feel like I'm missing out on something but I don't know what. I crave for more. I'm reaching but I don't know what I'm reaching for. My Dad always told me its all about the Law of Averages. You win some, you lose some but what exactly does that mean in terms of everyday life?

My best understanding is that life is like a roller coaster. In order for it to go up it has to start from a downward position. It wouldn't be a roller coaster if it didn't have multiple ups and downs. Those moments are what make up who we are. YOU CANT GET AHEAD IF YOU HAVE NOTHING TO GET AHEAD OF. You are going to have moments where you are searching, when you are down, but those moments were planned. DON'T SIMPLY SURVIVE SOMETHING THAT GOD PUT IN YOUR LIFE TO DELIVER YOU. We need those lows so we know how far we have come.

The thing to remember though is that life is a Law of Averages. YOU ARE NOT A PIT DWELLER BUT A CLIMBER. For all the lows God had planned the matching highs. For when you cant walk he will carry you and when you're ready to run he will run beside you. Don't stop because the journey is not over. DO NOT GET OFF THE RIDE. Today you might feel like you have lost but he has a game ready for you to not only win but become the MVP. Keep taking a step forward because the good will come. Its all about the Law of Averages. 

Climbing the Mountain of Anxiety

Anxiety: The moment logic and reason walk out the door. Its like standing at the bottom of a mountain with the pressure to climb but you have no gear. The room empties and it's just you and your beating heart. The shallow breathing is the quiet reminder that you are still alive. Anxiety is when all your fears are wrapped up in a perfectly tied bundle. You cant move, you're just focused on staying alive. Minutes turn into never ending hours, time is no longer a factor. Noise is electrified into a deafening silence. You're consumed, you feel like you are drowning, staring up at the surface but you can't swim. The escape is no longer there, the signs have gone dim. 

I've battled with anxiety ever since I could walk. If I could count the number of times I thought I was going to die I would be rich. We are told its all in our head but anxiety is as real as anything I can touch. We often think our defining qualities stem from our anxiety but we must remember, "WE ARE NOT OUR ANXIETY". We are not those shallow breaths but the strength that comes in between. We are the force that keeps us standing. We are the never ending seconds of bravery. Don't let anxiety define you because you are so much more. Remember you aren't alone, you have the gear to climb that mountain and in those moments you are a warrior. You will survive and not only survive but thrive because you are stronger than your anxiety. Give back that tied up bundle and climb that damn mountain. I'll be waiting for you when you reach that halfway point. Together we will plant our flag of victory.