Lessons from Geese

We are vessels of truth and knowledge; we carry empowerment, courage, bravery, and strength. The sad thing is though is that we are selfish and don’t share our worth with others. God put us here on this Earth to work and be in community. Everything he did was done in community. Our families, our friends, our neighbors, even the people we pass by every morning are all part of our community. Not only are we meant to work on ourselves everyday but we are supposed to be building one another up as we build ourselves up. We grow by watering others and having them water us. It’s a two way process. To get to where we want to be we have to involve our community. We are made by every individual that comes into our life; they rub off on us and teach us a lesson. We do the same for others but more and more we are shielding ourselves from rubbing off on others. We are only doing a disservice to ourselves and those around us when solely focus on ourselves. I love birds but I especially love geese. Not only do I like them because they start with the letter G but because they do everything in community. They set the perfect example for us. Geese build one another up, stepping back to help another step forward. They are selfless, always thinking about how they can help their community. It’s like the saying “no man gets left behind”…..but “no goose gets left behind”.

The power of prayer works in numbers sometimes. When someone is going through something we come together and pray. Why come together? Because powerful things happen when people come together for one purpose. Geese know this so they come together to help one another fly. As each goose flies and flaps its wings it creates momentum for the bird behind him, hence why they fly in a V formation. They know they are more powerful when they come together and so they work off of one another’s strength. They can’t go the distance without coming together…We can’t either. We can’t go from one chapter to the next on our own. We have to provide the momentum for others while at the same time they are doing the same for us.

When a goose leaves the formation it feels the resistance and drag of flying alone so it quickly gets back in formation. It realizes it can’t fly on its own but there is a weight that comes along with that. The goose realizes it’s stronger when it’s lifted up by others and rejoins the community. When I was in my abusive relationship he cut me off from all family and friends. I had nobody. I felt the drag; I felt the weight and the burden of doing life alone. It wasn’t a good feeling because it’s not natural to do life alone. As soon as I got back into my community I was lifted and went farther and higher. All I needed was to get back in my formation. If you are feeling the drag, get back in your formation and allow the momentum of your community to lift you and carry you.  

The V of course has one main point and that’s the main head goose. That head goose leads the pack on their travels, creating the momentum. Always leading can be exhausting and sometimes we need a break. God knows sometimes we are going to need rest and that’s ok. When the head goose gets tired he heads to the back of the V and another goose takes his place. Sometimes it’s ok for us to take a step back and allow someone to lead us. We support one another when we can’t handle it and God intended for that to happen. You are still surrounded by your community but you can rest while they lead the way for you. Let it happen, don’t fight it. You don’t always have to be leading or strong. It’s ok to need a break.

What keeps me going is my family. My family supports me in more ways than one causing me to fly harder and faster. I wouldn’t be where I am today if it wasn’t for the support from my family and friends. Geese are the same way.  They know how important it is to support their fellow geese. Let’s be real for a moment, honking geese are so annoying.  It’s that one sound that just can’t be made pleasant no matter what, it’s ugly and annoying. What we don’t realize though is that geese honk in V formation to encourage the geese in front of them to keep up their speed and to keep flying. It’s them cheering on the goose in front of them. They are constantly providing reminders for the goose ahead of them that they can do it and that they are behind them literally and figuratively. They understand the importance of support and how powerful it can be when we come together and support the ones we love.

Sometimes in life we have to take a step back. Life wounds us and we need to land when we get injured or we see someone we love get injured. We were never meant to be alone during hard times. If we get hurt we expect others to take a step back, land with us and be there for us. Protect us. Geese protect one another when one gets hurt. If a goose needs to land two geese will go with it to land and watch over it until it dies. It will never die alone. When we go through hard times we are meant to go through them with people by our side.  Sometimes we have to land and that’s ok, people land all the time. The important thing is though that you don’t land alone. Reach out for help, contact someone….you weren’t meant to do things alone. If you see someone land, be with them, watch over them, and protect them.

We can learn so many things from Geese. We are meant to live and be present in our community. We are meant to create momentum for the person behind us. We will feel the drag of loneliness if we step away from our community. It’s ok to need a break because the people we love will lead us to where we need to go. It’s ok to be tired. If we take a step back the person behind us will take a step forward to guide us. We need to constantly be supporting one another, pushing each other to go farther and higher. If we are wounded we need to reach out for help because we were never meant to deal with something alone. There is power in numbers.

Next time you see a V formation think about the ones in your life who are in your V. Know that we were meant to be and stay in community. You are not alone but instead flying next to others, being kept up by their momentum.  

The Will of Motivation

Motivation…A word I struggle with. Having depression makes being motivated extra hard…it’s like pushing someone in a wheelchair up a hill while they are putting their brakes on, almost feels impossible at times. I’m big into motivational videos, books, quotes, anything that can set a fire in my soul. Most of Americans have the luxury of what I don’t have and that is having the weekends off. Saturday through Sunday they are free and the world is their oyster. Monday-Friday on the other hand they are a slave to the man and the system putting in their hours at work. We rush through those 5 days like it’s a blur, it’s like we go into a coma state and just survive those days. WE LET 5 DAYS PASS US BY SO WE CAN GET TO 2. WE ARE SKIPPING 5 DAYS TO LIVE FOR 2…think about that….majority of our week we are letting it pass us by just so we can live in those two days. We are telling God…..”God those 5 days you made for me and woke me up for aren’t good enough, but those other two…now I can work with that”. How would you feel if you made a painting for your parent and their response is “ehh only have of it is good, the other half is useless”.  You’d be insulted. That’s how we are treating life, like life is only good for us half of the time.

On average we live 24,770 days....that may seem like a lot at first but now do this… Multiply your age by the number of days in a year (365 for the non-math people), that’s how many days you have burned through OR taken advantage of. For me I’ve burned through 8,760 of those 24,770 days that on average someone has. HOLY WAKE UP CALL. Have I done things that I’m proud of? Have I impacted people? Have I made my days’ worth it? Or am I burning through the 5 days to get to the 2, adding to my numbered days. Life is a gift as Alicia Keys has told us before and its time we stop running through the days and SLOW DOWN. We need to SLOW DOWN AND TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE DAYS GIVEN TO US. We need to be motivated by the fact that we are given those 5 days and not just burn through them to get to the 2 days.

Live everyday like it’s a Saturday or Sunday. Every Saturday and Sunday we do what we want, we do what makes us happy meanwhile we are floating through the weekdays carrying this bundle of unhappiness, frustration, and impatience. Why be impatient when you can treat every day the same…all that determines that is your motivation. Are you motivated to live the life you want not just for 2 days of the week but for 5 days of the week? Are you motivated to change your thinking and own what is given to you? Let me ask you this…when you did the math above did you feel depressed after or happy? Did you feel like you burned through those days or that you took advantage of those days? I WANT YOU TO LOOK BACK AND SAY THAT YOU TOOK ADVANTAGE OF EVERY DAY THAT GOD PUT AIR IN YOUR LUNGS.

What does it look like to be motivated? Its waking up that hour before your alarm goes off to do that workout, its working overtime to get to where you need to be, its wanting your success more than anyone else in the room, its making sure you go to bed knowing that you did something that day that will move you forward. It’s not only doing what needs to be done but doing the things that aren’t needed or expected. It is the crucial element in making and achieving your goals. Motivation determines the direction you want your life to go in. MOTIVATION DOES NOT HAVE BOUNDARIES BUT LAZINESS DOES. MOTIVATION DOES NOT HARM YOU BUT LAZINESS DOES.

Don’t just burn through the days but make the days last. Take advantage of the days you have now. Don’t put off tomorrow what you can do today because tomorrow is not promised. Fill out that application you’ve been thinking about, reach out to that person you’ve been scared to text, start that diet that you’ve been putting off, pick up an extra day at work. Help yourself because at the end of the day nobody can give you motivation, it comes from within. My motivation comes from God, my motivation comes from my family, my motivation comes from the fact that I want to be able to take care of my spouse in the future and my kids. Put the work in now so that even if you don’t see the results, your kids, your family, your friends will. It will be worth it.

I’ve been struggling with starting a diet, I’ve been struggling with not BSing at work and actually being focused, I’ve been struggling with working out. I keep saying “ehh I’ll just start on the two days that I’m off, instead of getting ahead and just doing it” Noooo start today!

Everyday can be Saturday and Sunday it is up to you. Be proud of the days you’ve lived and continue to use each and every day as a fresh start and motivator to do and be better. Don’t just skip through the 5 days to get to the 2. Don’t just float through the days but live and be present in the moment. Slow down and strive for the best.

Don't Pick Up What God Put Down

I try and control things, people, and situations, everything that I can and even cant. I’ve talked before how I hate planes but I also hate being the passenger in a car. For instance I think my sister (who I love with my whole heart) is the worst driver on this planet. She ALWAYS veers to the right. That noise you hear when you’re running off the road is like a station on the radio for us. I can’t sleep in the car with her when she is driving because I fear I will never wake up. It’s terrifying. I hate not being in control. What do you try and control? What is controlling you? You see the thing is THE THINGS WE TRY AND CONTROL ULTIMATELY ENDS UP CONTROLLING US. 

When we try and control something we are putting that negative energy into our minds, our life. We are opening our mind to this idea that ultimately stems from the little red man (the devil, red suits him). WANTING CONTROL OVER THINGS IS THE CONSEQUENCE OF NOT TRUSTING GOD. Since it’s a consequence it ultimately is going to fill us with these ideas, feelings, thoughts, that aren’t meant to be in our mind, negative energy. I wonder why I become so sad or frustrated when I try and control a situation. By trying to control a situation we are ultimately trying to control the why. The why is the reason for all things happening good or bad. The why is what we are trying to control and understand. The why is what sends us down a spiral to a place we were never meant to be. Why? Because YOU ARE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT GOD WANTS YOU TO LEAVE ALONE.

One of the biggest things I try and control is my past. I want to know the why, why did this happen? Why did this person say this? Why did we breakup? Maybe you’re thinking, why did my parents break up? Why did they not accept me? I think over past relationships with people and try and control the outcome but it ultimately just sends me down a dark place. I think over what they said to me, what I said to them, and I try and piece together the ending. The reason it brings me so much pain and has my head spinning is because I’m picking up what God already set down. God already told me no and yet I decided that wasn’t good enough. So many of us decide it’s not good enough for us when we aren’t the ones who can see the outcome. The person who knows the outcome is telling us no and yet we still don’t trust Him……He should be the one person we are trusting. His reasoning isn’t based on emotion but fact and the fact is that we do not need in the future what we think we need now. AGAIN WHAT WE BELIEVE WE NEED NOW, GOD SET IT DOWN BECAUSE HE KNOWS IT DOES NOT HAVE A PLACE IN OUR LIFE AND WHERE WE ARE GOING. He set that relationship down, he set that friendship down, he set the job down, he set that thing down for a reason so stop picking it up. Think of it like a baby, they pick up some nasty thing off the floor thinking it’s good for them. We take it out of their hand because we know it will harm them but yet they keep picking it up. That’s us and our situation. If we choke it’s because we didn’t trust God, we didn’t listen, and the outcome is not going to be one that works for us. STOP PICKING UP WHAT GOD HAS SET DOWN.

That ex that keeps texting you, that friend that keeps hurting you, that thing that you are trying to control and keep picking up……drop it and move on. No matter what that person says to you it isn’t going to fix the problem because the problem is you…not them. God is screaming at you to let that wound be but we want that control so we text back, we engage in the exact thing that is hurting us. We hurt ourselves all the time by our wanting to control the why. WHAT IS DONE IS DONE. Stop putting your worth, your heart, your time in the same hands that caused the pain. Ever heard of the saying “fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me”….shame on you! Stop going back to what is not good for you then question why you don’t feel ok.

We feed off of the energy that we allow to enter into our world. If you let negative energy in you are going to feel it, it will consume you. EVERYTHING IS ENERGY. The people we let in, the environment we put ourselves in, it’s all energy. Always make sure what you are putting your time and self in is good energy. Always be aware because negative energy is waiting to get into our bubble. If you let in even a little bit of that energy it will build off of itself until you can no longer see the good. Picking up what God has put down is intentionally picking up bad energy. It’s like God is the TSA at the airport and he screens the bad energy but we go back and pick it out of the discard pile after he already marked it as “no good”. What the helllllll. Put that down, put your converse on and get on the good energy plane.

What’s meant to be will be and this person, this situation was not meant to be. The pain you are feeling is because you’re picking up what God wants you to put down. You are allowing in the negative energy that He already separated from you. Don’t text back, don’t engage, and don’t put yourself in any situation where it will not build you or make you better. If it’s not meant for you no matter what you say or do it will never work out because it’s as simple as that….it’s not meant for you. Don’t try and control the situation and don’t try and control the why. It happened for a reason so move on. Bigger and better is on its way.

The Gift of Pain

Have you ever experienced pain…like can’t breath, can’t think ahead to the next second pain? No, I’m not talking about literal pain like breaking a bone but inner pain, hurt. Yes, that pain can feel so real and almost worse than a broken bone at times. Sometimes I wish anything for that pain to go away. I rather have a broken finger or leg because at least I know that it will heal. Inner pain doesn’t have a timeline, the doctor can’t say in a few months you’ll be healed at this time. That to me is the scariest part, not the pain itself but not knowing how long that pain will last. When you are sick it sucks, like I hateeeeeeee throwing up but I know that it will end and eventually I will get better. We don’t always get that assurance with inner pain, sometimes we don’t know when or even if that pain will ever end.

What causes inner pain? Well for me the times I’ve felt most low have been for several reasons. Breakups cause inner pain. Going through a break up is probably the worst feeling in the world. Your ordinary has changed and everything you knew to be true comes crashing down. It’s like a death, you mourn that relationship, that friendship you had, that connection. Heartbreak in other terms is a bitch.

Death causes inner pain. I went through an experience that no human should have to go through. For a week I watched my grandmother die in the hospital, suffering, clinging onto life. Watching my grandmother die was the worst experience of my life. Towards the end I couldn’t recognize her anymore and that was the hardest thing. I couldn’t see my grandmother in this dying body. I would go home and scream in the pillow hating God. How could he take her away from me? Death’s pain is a sting that is always there hiding in the shadows.

Rejection can cause pain. Having someone say that the person you are isn’t ok is one of the most painful experiences we can go through. I have had people look at me and tell me they didn’t accept me. I have had people look at me and tell me I wasn’t a good role model. I have had people yell at me in public calling me disgusting and an embarrassment…why? Because I am undeniably me. Rejection can make us feel like we shouldn’t be here anymore; it makes us question our role in the world.

Sometimes pain is so intense that we think the only way out is to not exist. We stop thinking about consequences and only focus on the out. I’ve loved people who have tried to commit suicide; I have seen the look in their eyes when all they can think about is an out. I’ve stood in front of my friend’s casket when she felt like she had no other option. When the pain is so real you drown in your own thoughts. Every breath is painful, every step is painful, and every second is painful. My friend, if you are reading this know that someone loves you and that YOU WILL SURIVIE THIS. JUST MAKE IT THROUGH THIS MINUTE THEN FOCUS ON THE NEXT, ITS ALL ABOUT LITTLE STEPS.

IM STANDING HERE TELLING YOU THAT THERE IS ANOTHER WAY. GOD WAKES YOU UP EVERY MORNING FOR A REASON, THAT RIGHT THERE SHOULD TELL YOU THAT YOUR LIFE IS WORTH LIVING.

Put your hand over your heart, do you feel that…. that’s called purpose. Your life is meaningful, those thoughts that are swimming in your head ARE NOT TRUE. This is the truth:

-You are loved beyond measure by someone who knows everything about you

-You are here for a reason

-By being alive every day you are saving someone else

-The world won’t be the same without you

-You are precious and there is nobody else on this planet like you, don’t let us lose that

Pain sometimes feels like someone is putting a plastic bag over our head then telling us to breath, it’s impossible at times. All we think about in that moment is how to get out. I’ve experienced the pain of heartbreak, I’ve experienced the pain of losing someone, I’ve experienced the pain of thinking I wasn’t meant to be. What’s gotten me through the pain? 1) reaching out to ones I love and 2) reaching out to God.

Through my pain I’ve come to a conclusion that pain isn’t the enemy, pain isn’t the thing that makes us do the things we do or think the things we think. Pain is something God puts in our life so we can feel him…. you may stop here and think “how the hell is it that putting me through hell is a way for god to reach me” …. You see we can’t see God, we can’t touch God but we can experience God through our feelings and emotions. I think the reason why pain is so strong, why we feel it in our core is because it was truly sent from the most powerful place, so of course pain is going to be powerful. Of course its going to shake us, its God shaking us telling us to pay attention to him. PAIN IS NOT THE ENEMY BUT THE WAKEUP CALL THAT SOMETHING IS BROKEN IN AND OR AROUND US. Its God waking us up to realize that there is brokenness in our life. Something is off causing God to send us through pain to realize and to feel. PAIN DOESN’T JUST SHOW UP FOR NO REASON.

When God puts pain in our life we have two routes that are then opened to us….let the devil in and go down that route (we do this 99.9 percent of the time not knowing it) orrrrrrr letting God in and going down that route. What does each route look like? Well when we let the devil into our pain we allow him to use the pain against us. We allow it to consume us and we stay in that pain soaked area. We open up space for those negative thoughts to come through, we open up space for it to linger. WE AUTOMATICALLY ASSOCIATE PAIN AS SOMEHTING THAT IS BAD INSTEAD OF THINKING OF IT AS A WAKEUP CALL THAT CAN PROPEL US FORWARD. Going down the route with the devil is when we hold on tight to the pain believing we don’t have an out. We are the ones putting the plastic bag over our own head and telling ourselves to try and breath. Don’t get me wrong the devil’s route looks a lot better when we are in pain because it makes the most sense to us, associate bad with bad. It’s more of a natural course for us to take.

Going down the route of pain with God may not feel any better but it will get you farther. Going down the route with God means we feel the pain but realize it’s a call from Him to teach us something in our current situation. It’s not holding onto a rope that will just burn our hands but its letting go of that rope so we can grab onto him. Its taking a step back, figuring out the cause of the pain then letting it go. It’s praying to God, giving it to him instead of taking it on all by ourselves because duhhhhh we don’t want to carry all that weight. HE IS HEALING US THROUGH THE PROCESS. IT WILL END.

Corinthians 4:16-18  states “That’s why we are not discouraged. No, even if outwardly we are wearing out, inwardly we are being renewed each and every day. This light, temporary nature of our suffering is producing for us an everlasting weight of glory, far beyond any comparison, because we do not look for things that can be seen but for things that cannot be seen. For things that can be seen are temporary, but things that cannot be seen are eternal”. Read that part again in the beginning…although outwardly we are struggling, on the inside he is working on us. YOUR PAIN ISNT FOR NOTHING, IT HAS A PURPOSE, HE IS PUTTING YOU THROUGH IT FOR AN EVERLASTING GLORY.

THE PAIN IS TEMPORARY, BUT THE BLESSING WILL BE EVERLASTING.

The important thing that we can’t overlook is that we MUST FEEL THE PAIN. The whole reason God put pain in our life is so that we can feel it. The difference is though that once you feel the pain you then let it go, you don’t hold onto it. If we don’t feel the pain we will miss the message. How do you feel the pain? You let it happen…you let the pain in BUT the whole time knowing that it has a move out day and you will evict if necessary. WE MUST FEEL THE PAIN TO HEAL THE PAIN. You have to stop thinking that the pain is the enemy though because it will just keep you where you’re at and that place you’re at is not meant for you, that’s why it hurts so bad.

If you are experiencing pain right now believe in these words and know that just like being sick it will end and you will come out stronger. He is working in and through you. Don’t ignore the pain but make sure you aren’t holding on. Take the bag off your head and breath, you can still breath….keep breathing. Look for the brokenness that he is trying to show you and allow God in to work on it. You are never alone and never will be. Your pain does not define you or your life. It is a season of growth, use it as that. Reach out to loved ones if you need help. We all need help, don’t ever be ashamed because we have all been there at one point or another. Pick the right route, feel, then release. I’m cheering for you my friend.

I’ll leave you with what my mom tells me, “This too shall pass”.

Let go and let God.

From Ordinary Comes Extraordinary

Do you have that person in your life who always has the right words to say? They know when you need a push or when you just need a rock to rely on. I have an individual in my life who has been my rock recently. This morning on my way to work I was exhausted, not motivated, ready to turn around and go home. I was holding my eyes up with paper clips while listening to hardcore rap music to wake me up. As much as I love Lil Wayne, he was just not doing it for me today. I get to my desk and look at my phone to see that this individual texted me. The text simply said this “God made you exactly how you are so he will use you exactly how you are”……let me repeat that

GOD MADE YOU EXACTLY HOW YOU ARE SO HE WILL USE YOU EXACTLY HOW YOU ARE.

The amazing thing about God is although I’m half awake, my outfit isn’t matching, I didn’t brush my hair, and I have no motivation, that won’t deter God from using me for his good. GOD MEETS US WHERE WE ARE AT, IN THE SEASON WE ARE IN. He doesn’t say “well when they work on this I’ll use them or if they fix this then they will be ready”. No, God takes you for the state you are in and uses you to deliver his blessings. Think about it, in the bible the people he uses are average everyday people. He had the opportunity to choose the Angelina Jolie or the Barack Obama but he uses the murderer, he uses the lost, he uses the forgotten. HE KNOWS THAT NO MATTER WHAT STATE YOU ARE IN, IF YOU HAVE HIM IN YOUR HEART YOU ARE CAPABLE.

GOD LOOKS FOR ORDINARY PEOPLE TO DO EXTRODINARY THINGS.

We don’t have to change for God in order for him to love us. People in my life have told me at several different points that I wasn’t ready for something. I wasn’t ready for Varsity cheerleading, I wasn’t ready to get on the floor and sell cars; I wasn’t ready to be in that relationship. We think that because people tell us we aren’t ready then God will also think we aren’t ready to be used. The thing is God always sees us as a blank canvas ready to be used to help and deliver others. Our situations we are in, our environment, our state of being doesn’t determine the good we can do. IF YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNIG, THEN GOD CAN USE YOU.

Stop doubting the season you’re in and not feeling strong enough. You may be in your lowest point, fighting to keep going but that doesn’t deter God form using you. YOU ARE VALUABLE NO MATTER WHAT STAGE OF LIFE YOU ARE IN. You may view yourself as weak but we are made strong in him. He sees your weakness as strength, it’s about time you start seeing it too. VIEW YOURSELF THE WAY GOD VIEWS YOU AND KNOW THAT YOU ARE CAPABLE OF AMAZING THINGS EVEN IF YOU DON’T FEEL IT.

HE SEES THE BIG PICTURE WHEN WE ARE TOO STUCK ON A SPECIFIC CHAPTER. YOU ARE NEVER TOO WEAK, TOO DEPRESSED, TOO BEHIND, TO DELIEVER YOURSELF OR OTHERS.

He often puts us through hard times so that we will know how to help others when they go through the same thing. GOD KNOWS HOW STRONG WE ARE SO HE USES US TO GO THROUGH THE BATTLE SO THAT WE CAN HELP SOMONE WIN THE WAR. Instead of asking God why he chose us to go through the difficult time, thank him for seeing the potential in you and having confidence in knowing he chose you because he knows you can do it. HE KNOWS YOU CAN DO IT!

We don’t have to have “our shit together” for God to see the potential in us or to use us for a greater purpose. All we have to do is exist and he will take care of the rest. Have confidence in your trials that from them and through them you will be delivered. You were chosen because he saw the strength and courage in you that others need. He saw how strong you are and said “that’s my child”. He is so proud of us no matter what season we are in. Stop thinking you are useless or not good enough because you are made for greatness. He sees greatness in you.

I don’t feel strong right now, I don’t feel like I’m on top of the mountain but I know from my pain and weakness God will use it for good. I know that all I have to do is exist and know the truth. I know that through these trials God will use it to deliver someone else.  I don’t know the battle I’m winning and I may never know the war I will win for someone else but I know that he uses us in every season.

FROM BROKENNESS COMES VICROTY. We can’t wave the flag of victim and victory at the same time. Put down the victim flag and pick up the victory. Know that he is working in you and through you. You are never a victim but a deliverer. You are never a victim but a testimony. You are never a victim but a survivor. God is working for the good in you.

Today I put down my victim flag and I pick up the victories that will come. I am extending my hand to you because dear friend you got this and please know you are not alone. God is using you. FROM ORDINARY PEOPLE COMES EXTRODINARY THINGS.

So I will leave you with the text this person sent me because it perfectly packages this whole piece. If you get one thing from this get this “GOD MADE YOU EXACTLY HOW YOU ARE SO HE WILL USE YOU EXACTLY HOW YOU ARE”. You got this!

The Abuse of the Word "Christian"

Since when did the word “Christian” have a bad connotation? Since when did I become ashamed to be associated with that title? Since when did the church become a place of judgment and fear?

One of my favorite stories in the bible is in John 8:7 “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first one to throw a stone at her”. I wish I could put this up on a poster and hang it in every church and home. It’s so easy for us to forget this verse and cast judgment upon others. In one of my favorite songs there is a verse that states, “Church is where I found God but also learned to judge”. The church used to be a place meant to gather in love and unity under God. It was a “safe place” for the soul, a place to reconnect to the one who loves us. Over the years the church turned from a place where people gathered to love to a place where people gathered to judge.

In the bible Jesus would speak to the public when he would travel from town to town. People from all backgrounds and walks of life would be in the crowd listening to him speak truth. Prostitutes, beggars, loyalty, disciples, thieves, sick, the elderly, anyone and all were welcome to listen. He would gravitate towards the man with leprosy, he would make the prostitute pick her head up from shame, He would humble the rich and drown them in grace. He never told someone they couldn’t listen or be a part of his love, he encouraged those outsiders to listen, He invited them in. ARE YOU INVITING PEOPLE IN OR ARE YOU HOLDING UP A KEEP OUT SIGN?

We have never been put in the place where we have the right to judge and or determine whether or not someone is worthy of God’s love. Here is a reality check to those who think certain people aren’t worthy…..ANY INDIVIDUAL THAT HAS AIR IN THEIR LUNGS AND HAS A BEATING HEART HAS A PLACE IN THE CHURCH AND A RIGHT TO BE LOVED BY GOD AND OTHERS. You don’t have the right to tell the gay couple they can’t come to the church, you don’t have a right to tell the drug addict they can’t come to the church, and you don’t have the right to tell the prostitute she doesn’t have a right to come to the church.

THE PEOPLE THAT WE LEAVE OUT AND DON’T INVITE ARE THE FIRST PEOPLE THAT GOD WOULD INVITE. Everybody has a seat at Gods table so what gives you or the church the right to tell them they can’t sit down at their own seat. If they can’t sit down then you can’t sit down either.  WE NEED TO SHOW COMPASSION AND LOVE TO OUR BROTHERS AND SISTERS.

WE TURNED A WORD INTO AN EXCUSE FOR US TO JUDGE AND HURT OTHERS. The word Christian was based off of love, based off of unity, based off of freedom for all under God. WE NOW USE THE WORD CHRISTIAN AS A WEAPON AGAINST OTHERS AND IM ASHAMED. I’m ashamed that instead of loving others we are making them feel alone. I’m ashamed that we are pushing people away from God because of our actions. I’m ashamed that we put ourselves higher than others just for the fact that we call ourselves Christian.

BEING A CHRISTIAN DOES NOT GIVE YOU THE EXCUSE TO THINK YOU ARE BETTER THAN OTHERS.

We should be inviting people to church instead of telling them all the reasons why they shouldn’t go. Look to your left and look to your right, we all have sinned so what makes that persons’ sin worse than yours? Who said you can play God? We have gotten everything so twisted and it breaks my heart. Instead of promoting love we are promoting judgment.

We should be able to come as we are and be accepted right there and then. You are worthy no matter who you love or what you do. Nobody has the power to take God’s love away from you. At the end of the day a church is just a of bricks but your relationship is your life. Nothing can come between you and God so don’t let bricks tell you whether or not God will accept you. Love yourself and keep following God. Use the title Christian as a way to love people, not judge. Be proud of who you are and know that God is the only one who has the right to judge.  

Great Things Come in Ding-Dong Packages

Have you ever had a Ding Dong? Me either till about a few days ago when one of my colleagues offered me one. I didn’t have lunch for the day so she offered me the small chocolate cake with icing in the middle. I normally don’t eat sweets but it was love at first bite. All day I talked about how much I enjoyed that sweet little treat. It was the perfect mixture of cake and icing creating a blend of heaven in my mouth.

The next day I slumped over to my cubicle half-awake when I saw a golden package shining from the top of my desk. Some lovely human brought me a pack of ding-dongs. I ate them with a smile and walked over to the colleague that introduced them to me. Assuming it was her I walked over and started thanking her when she told me she didn’t buy them for me. I laughed it off and told her it was a good joke and that I really did appreciate her getting me some. The next day I walk over to my desk and there again is a new package of ding-dongs. I walk back over to my friend and began to thank her again when she told me that it really was not her and that she had no idea who had been buying them for me.

A week has gone by now and I still thought it was my friend who originally gave me my first ding-dong. I decided to return the favor and so I bought her breakfast one morning thanking her. Again, she insisted it wasn’t her and again I didn’t believe her. Today I was talking to my boss when he asked me what my new favorite treat was and I smiled and said “Ding-Dongs”. He then asked if I knew who gave them to me and I told him well yea duhhhhh my friend Lyndsey got them for me. He smiled and shook his head. He pointed to the sweet lady who quietly sits at the end of the row who I have never really ever had a conversation with before this week. He said see her, that’s Cindy, that’s whose been leaving you ding-dongs. She heard you that one day say you liked them and went out that night and bought some for you. My mouth dropped. She has been hearing me thank my friend every day and she hasn’t said a word. She humbly allowed me to believe it was someone else. I’ve had several conversations with her this week for the first time and she never once mentioned what she had done for me. We all need to be a Cindy and have a Cindy in our life.

Cindy reminded me of God and how he treats us. God leaves us small packages everyday on our desk and he watches us thank others for an act that he did. He humbly allows us to give thanks to people who had nothing to do with that blessing; he sits back quietly in his cubicle. God sometimes quietly works in the shadows supplying us with what we need. He provides us with so much and the sad thing is that we often thank the wrong person. Instead of being angry God humbles himself and remains silent.

Cindy heard me thanking Lyndsey every day, she had so many opportunities to say it was her but she didn’t. How many of us do something for someone and then expect a thank you? We expect something in return?  I know I would be pissed if I heard the person thank someone else, I would want the credit. Cindy made me take a step back and think about how we (I) need to be more humble and work like God.

God’s love is one way, he provides us with what we need but here is the catch he doesn’t expect anything back. He is happy by simply just making us happy. Cindy’s act was a one way love type of act. She didn’t tell me it was her because she didn’t expect anything back; it was all about the act of giving. We get lost in two way love and wanting things in return that we do things for the wrong reason. We do things only to get something in return or to get praise so we can feel good about ourselves. True happiness comes from the way Cindy did it, true happiness comes from the true act of selfless giving.

Cindy does not know that I know now it was her. She doesn’t need that satisfaction of me knowing to feel good because her joy came from what God created us for and that’s loving one another. She will not know until I send her this blog because I need her to know how much she touched me. A ding-dong turned into a blessing that I am so thankful for. She made me realize what’s truly important. I saw God in Cindy.

Cindy, thank you. Thank you for humbling yourself enough to not correct me when I thanked the wrong person. Thank you for hearing what made me happy and going out of your way to make sure I smiled. You did not know me and yet you still went out of your way. You exemplified extreme humility and grace. You taught me such a powerful lesson on giving. Your act will be carried with me for a long time to come.

I Am Because of You

To the person who bullied me in middle school, I am because of you. To the girls in high school who spread rumors about me, I am because of you. To the souls who broke my heart, I am because of you. To my mentors who take the time to water me, I am because of you. To the people who made me scared to hold my significant other’s hand, I am because of you. To my family, I am because of you. TO MY GOD, I AM BECAUSE OF YOU.

Every soul that we encounter will plant a seed in us that will help us grow. Those seeds come in different sizes and forms. Growth and transformation is always packaged differently. It can be packaged in pain, disappointment, heartbreak, love, compassion, support etc.…. Most of the time we don’t take the time to look inside the package, we just look at the outside and walk away. We don’t invest in planting that seed because its easier to keep going on with our life instead of creating room for someone to impact us.

Every individual that enters into our life enters into that season for a reason. Think of yourself as a puzzle, you are the initial piece put down that creates the foundation. Every individual you meet that enters your life is a puzzle piece. They help complete and build us making a complete puzzle. Its up to us if we put the pieces together or not. 

When someone enters my world, and hurts me I question why God put them there. I question the pain and the emptiness that they cause. We (I) must learn though that there is a role for everyone we meet. Some people are meant to test us, some will take advantage of us while others will love us. No matter what role they play its important because it can determine which path you go down next. THE BIGGEST DISSERVICE YOU CAN DO TO YOURSELF IS NOT ASK WHAT THAT INDIVIDUAL CAN DO FOR YOU. Can they teach you, can you learn and grow from them? Will they motivate you? Will they deter you?

You see God strategically places people in our life at certain times for a reason. Sometimes the reason that person will come into your life at that time is because you have the room in you to take what they are offering you. We are the collection of others. Our strength comes from the person that bullied us. Our resiliency comes from the person who broke our heat. Our joy comes from the person who supports us. Sometimes we need people to appear to change our lives. We are not meant to do things along and that includes growth.

You are you because of those individuals who entered your world. I never understood why I was being bullied but I do now. I never understood why girls were so vicious in high school towards me, but I do now. I understand that who I am is a collection of seasons with individuals who were placed in my life to bring out things I didn’t think I had. Strength, courage, and bravery were all brought out of me because of these individuals. GOTD PLACES PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE TO SPARK FIRE FOR THE THINGS THAT ARE HIDDEN DEEP INSIDE OF YOU. I wouldn’t be writing this blog if it wasn’t for all the assholes in my life that I encountered. I dedicate this to them though because thank you, thank you for making me who I am today. I am because of you.

Hold onto God Not Texts

The other day I was feeling on top of the world when I woke up. I felt high off of God and wanted to share it with everyone. I blasted Christian music for my hour commute only getting more pumped off of the Holy Spirit. I got to work and sent out an email to all employees on being positive and how to keep a good attitude. I was bouncing around work like someone in love, nothing could get me down. Then I received a text from someone and my stomach dropped, it was a text I did not want. I went from 100 to -5 in under .893 seconds, which I think is a record. One minute I’m walking on cloud 9 and the next I’m standing in the middle of a rainstorm. That text had so much power over me. Have you ever received a text or call that completely changed your mood? If you answered yes then keep reading and if you answered no than keep reading.

SO MANY TIMES WE AS HUMANS ALLOW SITUATIONS, CIRCUMSTANCES, AND PEOPLE CONTROL WHETHER OR NOT WE ARE HAPPY. We allow situations to alter the way we look at our day or heck even the world sometimes. We let situations to begin to crack our foundation of joy and contentment. We allow in those negative thoughts or things and we go from 100 to -3, and before you know it the best day is the worst day.

WE HAVE CONTROL OVER WHAT WE LET INTO OUR WORLD AND HOW IT AFFECTS US.

We allow the devil to dangle situations before us and we take the bait. We leave our bubble of truth for what’s in front of us because the situation can be defined. Since we can define the issue it trumps the big man in the sky who we question is even listening sometimes. We leave truth which is what our happiness is really based off of for worldly outcomes because they are more relatable. People tell us to be happy with God and one moment we are but as soon as something that can be seen or severely felt we grasp onto that and let it take over our mind.

TRUE HAPPINESS IS BUILT OFF OF KNOWING WHO GOD IS AND WHAT GOD DOES FOR YOU. God’s love is not wavering but a solid foundation to build joy off of. When we put our emotions into worldly things we feel defeated because it’s a constant roller coaster of disappointment and frustration. People are not God so they will let you down; we were never made to put our faith into people. IF YOU GO ON A DATE WITH SOMEONE YOU SHOULD TELL THEM YOU WERE HAPPY BEFORE YOU MET THEM AND YOU’LL BE HAPPY AFTER YOU LEAVE THEM. YOU SHOULD WALK INTO A SITUATION AND WALK OUT WITH YOUR JOY STILL IN TACT BECAUSE IT’S BUILT OFF OF TRUTH.

No text, call, and or smoke signal should have the power over you to change your mood that quickly. Remember what you are in control of and although you may not be in control of that situation you are in control of how it makes you feel. I know sometimes I can get physically ill from outside circumstances….why am I making myself sick when I have the power to remain in my happy place. What is your happy place? Your relationship with God is your happy place. Nobody can enter that space or take it away from you, that’s yours.

HOLD ONTO GOD LIKE YOU HOLD ONTO WORDS FROM THAT TEXT OR THAT EX.  

OUTSIDE CIRCUMSTANCES CANNOT TOUCH YOUR INNER PEACE.

Have faith in the truth and build your happiness off of fact. I let that text bring me down, I put my worth in other peoples words and actions. AS LONG AS YOUR WORTH IS IN OTHER PEOPLE’S ACTIONS AND WORDS YOU WILL NEVER LIVE A LIFE OF CONTENTMENT.  We constantly are chained to words from people who themselves are hurt so they hurt others. HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE. WE ARE LIVING IN A WORDLY PRISION BY ALLOWING OUR WORTH TO BE PUT IN THE HANDS OF OTHERS. Take back your worth and your happiness by putting it back in God. Only God can give you the love you need, he won’t let you down.

Tired of constantly going through the roller coaster of happiness and hurt? Tired of letting others control your emotions and worse your day? YOU HAVE THE POWER TO STAY IN YOUR HAPPY PLACE…ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS PUT YOUR WORTH AND FAITH BACK INTO THE TRUTH AND REMAIN COMMITTED. Remember what you have control over and take back that control. Don’t let the devil dangle that situation in front of you, go the opposite direction, don’t give in. THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE. THE TRUTH WILL SET THAT TEXT FREE. THE TRUTH WILL SET THAT CONVERSATION FREE.

Texts don’t hold your worth. God does. 

God's Giant Pink Eraser

When I was in elementary school my favorite thing in the world was to go to the school store. Every morning before school started we could go to the library where they sold anything from gel pens to neon pencil sharpeners. However, my favorite thing were these giant, glitter erasers. I thought these erasers were the coolest thing. I would save up my quarters from the chores I did just so I could buy these glitter erasers. My favorite one was this hot pink glitter one I bought. I showed it off to everyone because it was 75 cents instead of 50. I thought I was such big spender.

I am weird; everyone knows this, but let me just reiterate: I fully embrace my weird side because God made me this way. One weird thing about me is that I’m fascinated by the idea of an eraser. We can draw or write something and if it doesn’t meet our expectation we have the power to get rid of it. If something doesn’t look right or we feel like we can draw something better or we get a new idea we can use the same piece of paper and erase the old thing. That pink eraser made me feel powerful because I could always get rid of the old to make something better -  it was like my weapon.

I was sitting here the other day thinking of that eraser and the idea of getting rid of the old to make room for the new when I realized that Jesus was God’s glittery, pink eraser. Jesus erased our sins so we could start new again, he got rid of the unwanted so that there will be room for better. Every day God erases our sin so that we will have a clean sheet of paper in the morning. Every morning his mercies are made new again because our sins are erased.  God went to the school store and could have picked out anything for himself but he decided to get something to use for good. He used His quarters to save us. How awesome is it that we have new opportunities every day? If we dislike our old sinful self we can always start new again. That’s all because of God’s glittery, pink eraser.

The cool thing about this that we tend to overlook is the paper that is being used during the erasing. We draw and mark up all over that piece of paper and at the end of the day its still paper. It can still be used. NO MATTER WHAT CONDITION THE PAPER IS IN IT CAN STILL BE USED. The paper is our life and the thing being erased is our sin. After a while we may have some tears in us, we may be crumpled but we can still be used to be made new. Paper is always able to be written on, we are always able to be made new.

Think about this, paper can be used in any form. Paper can be recycled and made new into something else. God can use us for so many things, we are never out of reach or unusable. God can erase our sins then recycle us for a better purpose. We aren’t ever trapped in our life; we have so many opportunities to be made new.

Let’s practice something: get a piece of paper and ball it up, tear it, and make it ugly. Then, grab a pencil and write down all your sins, everything that is weighing you down or you feel has a stronghold on your life. Now pick up an eraser, (it doesn’t have to be pink), and begin to erase. As you erase think about how God is doing this in your life every night. See that no matter what state that piece of paper is in you can still write on it and the eraser will still erase it. See visually what God does for us. Don’t ever feel like your life can’t be used - all paper can be recycled.

Be Committed to Walk

The place I work makes me feel like a superhero. I protect America. Literally, I work for a company called Protect America, a security company. Every day I talk to hundreds of people and help them secure their biggest investment and the ones they love. I go home at night knowing that I protected a family, it’s the best feeling. Or what I imagine to be the best feeling because right now I’m not selling anything. I work for hours on the phone day after day and time after time I hear “we are just looking around”, “that’s too much money” “I need to think about it”. Try sitting on the phone for hours being denied. I’ve never been rejected so much in my life, its rough. Today I sit here after being hung up on more times than I can count and I’m exhausted. I’m tired, tired of not getting a sale and working my butt off. I pull my mentor aside and tell him that I’m confused, that I know God led me here but what for? Why did he lead me to a place where I’m not successful. I was more successful selling cars so what was it about this place where I knew he was telling me to go.

I have two resumes, one I send out to churches and one I send out to businesses. My church resume talks about my faith and my work involved in the church. My work resume states my business related successes and capabilities. After working at one job here in Texas for a little I knew it wasn’t the place for me. I spiritually wasn’t growing and I felt like God needed me somewhere else. I applied to a handful of places until one day a CEO of a company called me and started talking about his company. He said I looked like the perfect fit and he wanted me to start immediately. I couldn’t believe this, I was getting hired somewhere and they haven’t even interviewed me!? Before he hung up the phone he said “by the way I really appreciate you being so open about your faith”…….what? I was so confused, what was he talking about. This sinking feeling came over me and I rushed to the computer, sure enough I sent out my church resume to everyone! I was mortified because it was so in your face with Jesus. That’s when I knew that God planned that switch, I got hired off of that resume, God wanted them to see that resume. From that moment I knew that God wanted me to work for this company, he put the real me out there and they accepted it and wanted me. I couldn’t question it anymore or this job, that day I accepted the job position. My family was shocked and told me to think about it but I knew God already thought about it for me and that I just had to simply follow. WHEN YOU FEEL CALLED, FOLLOW.

The first week I was in training at the job I had someone come up to me and ask me about my faith. They asked what church I went to and I began to tell them that I haven’t found a church home yet. That individual took the time to give me a few churches and told me I’ll find the right one just to be patient. A few weeks later that person talked to me about their faith and we began to share our favorite sermons. I had someone I could talk to with about my faith, this was awesome for me. Ever since moving to Texas I didn’t have anyone who I could talk freely to about my relationship with God. My mentor at work a few days later talked about his faith with me and it only solidified the fact that I was right where I needed to be.

One day I was typing on my computer for my blog when the person in the cubicle next to me asked what my blog was about. I told them I write about my faith and they shared that they believed in God as well. We sat there talking about the love of God when the person across from us joined in and said he was a believer as well. Two weeks later we are now starting a bible study with more and more people asking to be involved. The next week I had someone from another department come up to me and tell me he read my blog and that he also believes and appreciated my faith. I see him every day now and he always tells me, “God is going to make this a great day”. I’m surrounded by believers and its making me grow in more ways than one. I never imagined people would want to start this bible study and that it would grow like this but God works in mysterious ways. He sent out that resume because He knew what would come of it.

The weird thing is though I’m not selling anything. I’m on the phone for hours every day and I for some reason can’t make a sale. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong but I’m falling behind in sales. I pulled my mentor over and told him I was confused. I told him I knew god wanted me to be here and so many great things are getting started except why would he call me here to fail. He simply said “Keep on walking, that person who you invited to bible study, that person you talked to about your faith, that was your sale”.  He brought up Moses and how he had to wonder around the desert but he knew he was being called so he was patient. He told me to be patient and that my wins and his wins might look different. By doubting God I’m doubting whether or not I believe he will do right by me. He goes “Gena, did you wake up this morning? Yes, so if he did that for you what makes you think he won’t keep doing the rest for you”.

JUST KEEP WALKING. What my mentor said hit me and hit me hard so I pulled up word and started writing. We wake up every morning yet still doubt God; if He wakes us up he will not let us fail. It’s like making a pizza putting it in the oven, letting it bake then just letting it sit on the counter not doing anything with it……he wouldn’t let that happen. He wakes us up to use us but sometimes we don’t see it because OUR WIN AND GOD’S WIN MAY LOOK DIFFERENT. My win maybe getting a sale when really I already won by inviting that person to the bible study or talking to that other person about their faith. IF GOD CALLS US SOMEPLACE HE WILL DELIEVER US, JUST BE PATIENT.

Many of us stop walking; we give up because we don’t see success. IF HE LED YOU THERE, HE IS GOING TO TEACH YOU THERE AS WELL. It’s important to remember though that GOD IS NOT ON OUR TIME. Just because it doesn’t happen in our timeframe doesn’t mean it’s not going to happen. Sometimes we aren’t ready for it when we think we are. Trust God’s timing because everything is sweeter in his time. When you feel like giving up, keep going, know that he woke you up for a reason and just keep walking.

The reason we grow in the place he sends us is because he tests us in that spot. If he sent us somewhere and it was just all rainbows and butterflies we wouldn’t grow. He is testing me with my sales to make sure I stay committed to his plan. DON’T STRAY FROM THE PLAN BECAUSE FROM TRIALS COME TESTIMONES. He sent me here to be with believers and to make believers, he is trying my commitment to see if I stand true to his promise.

The last call I got on today after feeling defeated turned out to be with a minister. We talked about God and our shared love for missions. I felt God’s presence through this phone call. Just when I had given up on the day and was frustrated God puts this call in my life. HE ALWAYS HAS A PLAN SO STAY COMMITED. I wasn’t going to take that call because I was letting doubt creep in but then God stepped in to show me that He has a plan and that I need to trust.

There is always a reason things happen and I believe there was a reason my church resume got sent out. God has this plan and although I don’t know what will come next I know that there will be blessings because I’m following his call. I am committed to fighting through this hard time I’m having with my sales because I know commitment and trust is all God is asking for me and that he will do the rest. When I feel like giving up I’m going to remind myself to keep walking. Just keep walking.

Everything Looks Better in Pictures

When you move across the country to a place where you don’t know anyone you take on the reality that sometimes it’s going to get lonely. I always knew moving was going to be hard but if they told me it was going to be this hard I would have done a lot more thinking. I knew some nights I would end up sitting in my room alone, but I’ve had more of those nights than I want to admit. Right now, tonight, is one of those nights. Its Halloween weekend which means it one of the biggest weekends to go out. I’m not big in the party scene, I rather stay at home and watch a good movie but I also like being around people and doing things. Sometimes it’s nice to be around others because you aren’t in your head so much. This Halloween I’ve kind of been dreading because it’s my first “holiday” away from home and being that the last two Halloweens I’ve spent with my significant other I knew this one was going to be lonely. I was already coming into this weekened/week not looking forward to it. Everyone that I know here (so like three people) already made plans or are going to a costume party tonight leaving me to spend the night posted up in bed.

Whenever I have idle time I go onto Instagram, like the other 99.9% of the population. When you log onto Instagram it’s like you’re Alice and you fall into the hole, you exit reality and enter this whole other world. I (we) can get caught up for hours looking through pictures and most the time of people we don’t know. Have you ever looked at one of your friend’s picture’s then see someone comment on it so you click on that person then you go to the picture of them with their cousin and you click on the cousin who has a really good looking friend that you then click on and hours later next thing you know you’re on Aunt Susan’s page who lives in Alaska. Don’t lie, you know this has happened before. Tonight, I went on Instagram and got lost in pictures of people dressed up and going out. I’m looking at all the gross (cute) couple pictures and their matching costumes and I’m secretly in my head rating everyone on their costume choice. Hours go by and I’ve achieved nothing except feeling like crap about myself that I don’t have anyone to go out with and that I’m all alone while it seems like the rest of the country is out with their friends having a great night. I start to feel left out, alone, sad, and I want to go home. I text my mom about how alone I feel and that everyone is out except me and she replies, “everything always looks better in pictures”. Mic Drop (I’ll get back to this but let that line fester)

This isn’t the first time I’ve allowed Instagram to determine my worth or control my mood. I also know I’m not the only one who this has happened to. I know so many of my friends have at one point or another allowed Instagram to upset them, get into their head. The biggest example I can think of is when you go on Instagram and see something about your ex….yea that can send your stomach straight to the floor. Instagram has such a powerful hold on us and why? This is the best way I make sense of it. Instagram is like a trailer for a movie, all the flashy, catch your eye, reel you in scenes will be in the trailer so that it will make this movie look amazing. The trailer is every good, funny, big moment scene strung together to catch and hold your attention, to make you feel a certain way so you’ll go see it. You go see this movie that looks so good, so funny, and it turns out to be awful, nothing like what the trailer was like. The only good parts were the parts you saw in the trailer, but it wasn’t true to what the movie was really about. THAT’S INSTAGRAM. INSTAGRAM IS A REAL LIFE TRAILOR TRYING TO GRAB AND KEEP OUR ATTENTION SO THAT WE WILL BELIEVE THIS IS THE BEST MOMENT/PICTURE EVER.    Just like a big-time movie trailer everything is calculated to make you feel a certain way.

We put our best selves out there on Instagram because we know people will be looking and of course judging. You want to impress that one person or make it seem like you’re having the time of your life when really you wish you were anywhere but. We create scenes so that we have something to take a picture of. We are having a bad day but to the Instagram world we are having the best day ever. We are in a broken relationship but to the Instagram world we are in love. We were out with all our friends last Saturday but really we were on our couch in our pajamas. WE CREATE AN IMAGE TO MAKE PEOPLE WANT TO COME AND SEE OUR MOVIE BUT IN THE END IT DOESN’T REPRESENT WHAT THE MOVIE IS ABOUT. I’m guilty of doing this and I’m sure you are too. I’m sure you’ve applied filters to pictures, edited them, then sent them to that one friend who always picks out the best one for you. WE PICK AND CHOOSE WHAT WE WANT PEOPLE TO SEE OR FEEL ABOUT OUR LIFE.

INSTAGRAM IS NOT REALITY

I was once following this couple on Instagram and had such a crush on them. They were so cute together, always traveling, always doing something new. I always compared myself and wondered why I couldn’t have that. They looked so happy, I wanted what they had (a phrase that we think way too often). Turns out that relationship was an abusive one and they fought all the time in real life. It was a toxic situation but from Instagram they were in love. It showed me that you can’t trust or base your emotions off of Instagram because it isn’t reality. We are basing something off of an idea that someone tried to put out in the universe in hopes that others would cling on to. It’s like when we get upset when a movie character dies, they aren’t really that person so what are we getting upset for? It’s because we’ve emotionally invested ourselves into something that we thought was true. DON’T LET SOMETHING WITH A ROCKY FOUNDATION BE THE BASE FOR YOUR EMOTIONS.

Tonight, I started to feel bad about myself, I started to feel left out and like the only person in Texas who was in bed by 8. However, in the wise words of my mom, “everything seems better in pictures”. I finally had to put the phone down so that I could get back to living in the truth. The truth is that I am in such a good place right now and I’ve been doing so well. I’m not going to let Instagram have me thinking this was the wrong decision for me. I’m not going to go to sleep upset when in reality I haven’t been this happy in a long time. WE HAVE TO PUT INSTAGRAM DOWN AND PUT OUR FOCUS ON THE TRUTH AND BUILD OURSELF UP FROM THERE. We have to stop analyzing every picture or story we see because we are analyzing half the picture, we don’t know what the start of that picture looked like. It’s like we lose all sense of who we are when we are on Instagram, it’s just not healthy.

I’m not out, I’m not dressed up, but I am living in the moment and basing things off of fact. Don’t get sucked into the hole and forget where and who you are. Remember it’s just a movie trailer, its meant to grab your attention but it may not be a good movie. Know your worth and know that EVERYTHING LOOKS BETTER IN PICTURES.

Put on your Armor

Ever climb a mountain before? Yea me either. However, I have had a mountain top rush of God’s love before. Do you know what I’m talking about? that moment or time period in your life where you just felt so close to God. You felt like your connection with him was the strongest it’s been, and you were doing everything you could do to be close to him. You were on a spiritual high.

I was on such a spiritual high when I was in Nicaragua. I was on the bus one day which keep in mind the motto in Nicaragua when it comes to cars or busses is “you can always fit one more” when I really felt god. I was jammed into the side of the bus as I was sharing a seat with two other grown adults when I prayed with my small group leader. She prayed over me that I would find God on the trip and right as she prayed that this gust of wind came through the bus that gave me the shivers. I felt God so clearly. I was on such a spiritual high. Not more than 10 minutes later I started feeling sick and I mean real sick. I was on a bus with 80 high school kids going 80mph down the highway dodging cars, it was like a video game but real life. All of a sudden I just knew, I knew it was time. I yelled “get inside the bus” then whaleddddddddddddddddd outside the bus window. In case you don’t know what that means I threw up out the bus window going 80 mph down the highway. Everyone heard me before and stuck their head in the bus to dodge my throw up EXCEPT the one person who I wanted to impress the most, my crush. The guy I liked was sitting in the back seat with his head out the window when my throw up slapped him in the face. All I hear is “She got me”……I wish I got him as my boyfriend, not the way I got him on the bus. One minute I was on a spiritual high and the next I’m throwing up on my crush.

 For you it may not be as literal as for me where one moment I’m feeling on top of the mountain and the next I’m throwing up on my crush but this happens every day for us. One minute we are feeling positive in the word, we feel good then the next moment an intrusive thought pops up. A bad memory, a bad feeling, something rips us out of that cloud we were just on and puts us right back to reality. WHEN WE ARE CLOSEST TO GOD THAT’S WHEN THE DEVIL IS THE MOST INTIMIDATED. When we are on a spiritual high and living in God’s word the devil will try his hardest to crack that foundation. When you pick up your cross the Devil picks up his stupid little pitchfork. It’s a game to him. The closer you move your chess piece the harder he will plan to move you back to where you started. It’s like in football when the other team is about to score a touchdown and they are right there on the line, the other team’s defense is going to do whatever they can for that team not to score. THAT’S THE DEVIL! The closer we get to God the more the devil ups his defense so God doesn’t score. You have to be smarter and know your game plan and that’s where I come in at.

Some people think that if you believe in God and you’re following him that all challenges will be diminished. THE MORE YOU BELIEVE THE MORE THE DEVIL WILL ATTACK. The devil hates when we are living in the truth so he will try extra hard to get us. It all starts with him planting a seed of doubt. Sometimes that seed of doubt begins to fester and we grow farther apart from God. We can’t let that seed fester. We determine whether we fertilize that seed in truth or in doubt. You decide what you do with it, God won’t make that decision for you as much as he (I) wants to.

Part of following God is knowing what comes with it and that means knowing we will be tested and tested hard. The harder we pray the more He will attack. I mentioned you need a game plan and that’s where this comes in. When you believe in God you HAVE to always put on your armor. Everyday God provides us armor because He knows we will be tested, he knows the devil is trying to befriend you. Its whether or not 1) we put on the armor and 2) we believe in the armor. What is the armor? Well good think I’ll tell you…. The armor is truth. THE DEVIL MAY HAVE HIS TRICKS BUT WE HAVE SOMETHING MUCH MORE POWERFUL, WE HAVE THE TRUTH. God provides us with the truth that -he is good -he does good for us -he loves us -he died for us -we are saved by him. Let me repeat that

-HE IS GOOD

-HE DOES GOOD FOR US

-HE LOVES US

-HE DIED FOR US

-WE ARE SAVED BY HIM

THAT IS THR TRUTH, NOT A THOUGHT BUT HARDCORE FACTS. THE DEVIL WORKS OFF OF LIES AND FEELINGS, HE BURNS IN THE TRUTH. You know how like vampires burn up if the light touches them, that’s the devil and the truth. All those bad thoughts you’re having, all those lies you’re feeding yourself that you’re not good enough, that isn’t fact but a lie. It will burn up in the light.

Every time you feel that sinking feeling in your heart when you go from the mountain to the valley think about whether those thoughts or feelings are based off of truth or will burn up. Is it the devil’s defense? Because your team is stronger, better, faster. You won the super bowl every year so why are you worried?  Don’t doubt your team when their one goal is to help you. God is always for you even when the devil is against you. Just because you have those bad thoughts doesn’t mean God isn’t fighting for you. He is busy tackling some huge player for you so that you don’t get hit by the big guy, he knows you can handle the little one. GOD KNOWS YOUR ABILITY SO DON’T QUESTION YOURSELF.

Put on your armor of truth and know that someone is working hard for you. After I threw up I ended up dating that guy for a little. The devil did not win. Who would have thought that the guy I threw up on I would later be going on dates with? The devil only looks at the here and now but God looks at the big picture. Trust in him. You got this, you have something more important than anything we can put value on and that is what will get you through each day. Don’t ever forget your game plan and definitely don’t forget to put on your armor. While you are at it…..make sure to never throw up on your crush, but if you do, please tell me.

This post goes out to my Godfather who encouraged me to write about this subject. Uncle Paul, thank you.  

The Past has no Place in the Present

Some days I let my past win. I take the book off the shelf and open up a chapter that I've already read and closed. I start to examine the highlighted things again, trying to uncover maybe something I might have missed. Or, I use that chapter as a weapon against myself bringing up old feelings and thoughts that should be left in those dusty dirty pages. I allow those thoughts to take over the present and before you know it I'm back where I was years or months ago. I feel hollow, alone, vulnerable. The loud silly Gena gets quiet and sinks into herself as she plays the movie in her head of everything bad that has ever happened. I replay conversations, and situations, I analyze what I could have said or done differently.

Those days sometimes just pop up out of nowhere. We are doing fine then something triggers us to go back to the past, to take the book off the shelf. Yesterday was one of those days. I was doing fine when all of a sudden a seed of pain was dropped and I took it and planted it. I allowed myself to take that book, sit down on the floor, and wallow in every page. I was sucked into the past not realizing what was going on around me. I felt like I was back to the broken Gena. Here is the thing...EVEN THOUGH THE PAST MAY COME BACK UP IT HAS NO REASON TO REPLACE THE PRESENT. It's important to learn from the past but not replace the present moment with past thoughts or feelings. WE HAVE TO BE PLANTED IN THE PRESENT BUT USE THE PAST AS A REMINDER OF WHERE WE HAVE COME FROM SO WE KNOW EVERYTHING WE CAN HANDLE IN THE FUTURE. The past is a reminder of our journey; it's not who we are or what we are capable of doing. It’s like a rough draft, that rough draft doesn’t define our writing abilities but shows us and our teacher where we came from so we can see how far we have come.

When the past inches its way into your day and makes you feel like you’re back where you were know that YOU NEVER GO BACK. YOU ARE NEVER THE SAME PERSON THAT YOU WERE WHEN THAT CHAPTER HAPPENED. Think of this. Someone is walking and falls into a hole, they don’t know how to get out and it takes them hours. A few days later they are walking the same route and they fall into the hole again, this time it takes them half the time to get out. A few days later the person is walking on the same route and walks around the hole. The week after the person takes a different route. They may get in the hole more than once but their reaction time is different, they learn from their mistakes, they never go back to where they first started. YOU ARE ALWAYS GROWING. YOU ARE NOT WHO YOU USED TO BE.

The thing that will leave you up at night making you feel crazy is replaying situations or conversations in your head and wondering what you could have said or done differently. There was once a conversation I had with someone I loved very much, very very much. I was mad and said something that I did not mean, something that not only hurt them but hurt me later on. I go back to that conversation often and think what would have happened if I just didn’t say that. The thing is, YOU SAID WHAT YOU SAID AND YOU DID WHAT YOU DID. God allows us to do things sometimes because although it may hurt us in that moment or later on, it will ultimately grow us. Everything happens for a reason. You said what you said for a reason, YOU CANT GO BACK. No matter how many times you replay that conversation you can’t take it back so why keep opening a wound that would have been healed. KNOW THAT NOTHING THAT GOD ALLOWS TO HAPPEN IS IN VEIN. THAT CONVERSATION THAT SITUATION WAS NOT IN VEIN. Why are we questioning something that god was involved in. It’s like we are questioning the ref who saw the play, called the play but we refuse to accept it. JUST BECAUSE WE DON’T UNDERSTAND DOESN’T MEAN IT WAS FOR NOTHING.

GOD GAVE YOU THIS DAY SO LIVE IN THIS DAY. Learn from your rough draft and know if you fall in the hole again your reaction time will be faster and eventually you’ll find a new route. Keep the book on the shelf because that chapter has ended. GROW FROM THE PAST BUT DON’T BRING IT WITH YOU. Step away from the book.

The Taste of Poison

When it comes to relationships I just haven't had the best of luck. I've been through one physically/emotionally abusive relationship and one just plain emotionally abusive relationship.  Those two people would say the most hurtful things to me to make me feel so low to the point I wouldn't go anywhere. I was told "God doesn't love me" or that "I needed to work out, try harder, be smarter, do better". Nothing was ever good enough. In my physically abusive relationship he would punch my arm, tell me he was sorry and that he was just playing later when he saw a bruise. He would see marks around my wrists where he would grab me and tell me he loved me and that he would never do it again. 

I was wronged, I was wronged by those two relationships. Many of you have been wronged by someone at sometime, somewhere. Maybe they said something mean to you, did something that upset you or put their hands on you. WHATEVER THEY DID IT WAS WRONG AND NOT VALIDATED. WE HAVE ALL BEEN WRONGED BY SOMEONE. For the longest time after that relationship I hated him, I wanted nothing good for him. I felt like he deserved what he did to me so that he could see how it felt. It didn't seem fair that I was left so damaged and he was living his life. How could someone do something so wrong. I always try and figure things out and get to the why. When someone wrongs us though often times there isn't a why or at least not at that time. Because I couldn't find a why to blame it on it was all on him.

I went to church one day and the Pastor was talking about how we must always forgive. I got so angry listening to him that I left. How could I forgive someone who left a bruise on my arm, who called me names in front of people? how do we forgive someone who commits murder, or rapes someone? you expect us to just forgive them? hell no

I thought the Pastor was ultimately telling us to forget whatever happened to us that caused us to feel wronged. I never want to forget that relationship or how he made me feel because I never want to feel that again. I thought how could he expect us to forget something that was so impactful to us, on our lives. How could we forget a breakup, a divorce, a lie? THE THING THOUGH WAS THAT HE WASNT TELLING US TO FORGET THE SITUATION BUT TO SET IT FREE.

FORGIVING SOMEONE IS SETTING YOURSELF FREE OF THE POISON THAT INDIVIDUAL FED TO YOU. That person introduces anger into our heart and into that situation. We walk around with that poison of anger as long as we are still blaming that individual. Its not our place as hard as this may be but its not our place to blame a human body for the act of the devil. We are only hurting ourselves and poisoning our own bodies because lets face it the other person isn't walking around with anger in them for that situation. Its not fair you are swallowing that poison.

FORGIVENESS OPENS THE DOOR TO HEALING. forgiveness cleanses our body of anger, frustration, built up tension. Its like when you've been eating bad and you need a cleanse so you juice. the juice gets rid of all the toxins so you can be free from things that harm you. Forgiveness is letting go of the poison and setting yourself free. Its letting go of the rope that you've been clenching onto that has nothing on the other end. Your hands may have some blisters and be sore but you will feel relieved. Let go of that rope, cleanse your body of the poison. AS LONG AS YOU ARE HOLDING ONTO THAT SITUATION YOU ARE HOLDING ONTO THAT PERSON.. Set them free because they should no longer be in your life. 

Trust me its easy to write about forgiveness but actually doing it....whole other story. For years I was angry, I was frustrated, I was drowning in the poison he fed me. Till finally I grew tired of holding onto the rope, my arms hurt, my legs hurt, my hands hurt and I saw that the person on the other end left years ago. FORGIVNESS LOOKS DIFFERENT FOR EVERYONE. Sometimes forgiveness is just telling God you forgive them, sometimes we have to forgive ourselves, sometimes forgives involves us actually telling the person. For me forgiveness started with me. I had to forgive myself for letting someone treat me like that. I was so mad at myself that I was even in that situation to begin with. I had to show mercy on myself and tell myself that it was ok and that we don't always know the outcome of something unless we try. Next, I had to forgive him. I sent him a text and simply told him that I forgave him. That text set me free. That text lifted years of resentment and anger off my shoulders. To this day I forgive him. I forgive him for hurting me, I forgive him for yelling at me, I forgive him for doing wrong by me. When I pray I pray that God finds him and that he can find pure happiness.  I WAS FINALLY FREE. I AM FINALLY FREE. Years later I can still say to him "I forgive you",  only Gods love can do that. 

You can be free too, you have the power not to forget but to forgive. We will always have someone come into our life and do wrong by us but we have the power to let go of the rope before we get any blisters. We are in control of whether or not we are going to drink the poison. 

Love is Love is Love

One of my favorite ads of all time was this ad where it showed all these different couples coming together for a kiss or a hug. They were behind this giant x-ray machine so you only saw the two skeletons. You had no idea what the person looked like, what ethnicity, what gender, what race, you had no idea who the person was. THE THING YOU DID KNOW WAS THAT THEY ALL HAD THE ABILITY TO LOVE. You later find out that some of the couples were gay, special needs, different nationalities, and races; the crowd was shocked as one by one the coupled unveiled themselves.

WE ALL HAVE THE ABILITY TO LOVE whether we are black, white, gay, straight, Mexican, Italian, alien, ECT….it doesn’t matter. God made us out of love. We are the essence of love so what gives us the right to tell someone they can’t love someone? WE ARE THE EMBODIMENT OF LOVE.

DENYING SOMEONE THE RIGHT TO LOVE IS THE ACT OF DENYING YOURSELF THE ABILITY TO BE LOVED.

It’s a slap in the face to tell someone they can’t do something that God made them for. That’s like one beggar telling another beggar to stop begging, they are denying themselves their own right. WE ALL HAVE THE RIGHT TO LOVE AND BE LOVED. I am so passionate about this subject because we hurt people way too often with OUR judgments of THEIR love. IT’S THEIR LOVE!!! We see a gay couple and all of a sudden believe we have the right to tell them what’s right from wrong. Have you looked in your own life? You are not perfect. BEFORE YOU JUDGE SOMEONE FIRST HOLD THE MIRROR UP TO YOURSELF. The only person who is allowed to judge is God so please before you make a comment to an interracial couple, a gay couple, a couple of different religion, decide whether or not you can throw the first stone.

How precious is love, LOVE IS WHAT BONDS US TOGETHER BUT WE USE IT TO TEAR US APART.

LOVE IS OUR ARMOR YET WE GO STRIPPING PEOPLE OF THEIRS BECAUSE THEY ARE DIFFERENT.

We leave them vulnerable and where does that leave us? What do we get for tearing other people down because we don’t believe in their love? People take their life because they are told their love is wrong, at least they are vulnerable enough to share their love. Are you vulnerable enough to share your love? There are so many brave people out there that I just want to hug. Hug for standing up for love, hug for being themselves, hug for respecting other’s love.

To that person who is told their love isn’t valid, I see you. To the couples who are scared to hold hands in public, I see you. To the person who is scared to stand up for their friend, I see you. To the person who is scared to come out, I see you.

THERE IS BEAUTY IN THE STRUGGLE AND THE STRUGGLE YOU ARE GOING THROUGH WILL DELIVER YOU. STAY STRONG. YOUR LOVE IS VALID. Put on your armor and don’t ever allow anyone to take it off of you, it was made for you, it was given to you. Love with everything in you and hold onto your stone. Promote love everywhere you go. Remember to the crowd we are all just skeletons will the ability to love.

I See You

These three words can save lives. So many of us go throughout our day feeling like we are unseen, people don’t really see us. They may see the us we put out there but nobody will spend the time to get to know the real us, the us that God made. I know for me, I put up a lot of walls with people; it’s hard for someone to get close to me. Due to these walls I feel like people sometimes don’t see the real Gena. People see the silly, happy, love life Gena but they miss the Gena that is hidden deep down.

 How many of us ask someone how they are but don’t really care? We expect an “I’m good” because we don’t want to open Pandora’s box. How many of us when asked how we are really want to tell them our whole life story, vent about the mean person that cut us off earlier in the day or the relationship you have that’s failing. We are waiting for someone to see past the wall and dig deeper, not give up, invest in us.

Dick Woodward who started the church I grew up in wrote about how people need to start saying, “How are you really?” He didn’t want the typical answer but he genuinely wanted to see past the “I’m good”. So often I ask someone how they are and I see it in them that they aren’t ok but I accept the “I’m good”. STOP ACCEPTING THE I’M GOOD.  The I’m good will take lives; the I’m good will allow people to believe they aren’t seen.

SEE PEOPLE FOR WHO THEY ARE WHERE THEY ARE. The awesome thing about God is that he sees us, he sees our pain, and he sees our scars yet loves us just the same. God asks us “How are you really” and does not accept the I’m good.

In College I had a dear dear friend named Laura. She was that type of person who invested in people, who would take the time to see them. She took the time to see me when I needed someone to see me the most. I was suffering with severe depression just after dealing with an abusive relationship. I had never felt so lost in my life. The night before I visited her at work I drank till I couldn’t feel the pain. I woke up and never felt so low. I put on my best dressed clothes, did my makeup and walked to visit her where she worked on campus. I entered her office and she looked at me and just hugged me. I didn’t have to say anything, she saw me for where I was at. She asked me if I was okay and through my tears I lied and said yes. She dug deeper, she sat me down and said “You’re not ok, so together we will take the next step, you are not alone”. She held my hand and walked me to the onsite guidance office so I could talk to someone. She saw me when nobody else would take the time to see past the perfect outfit and fake smile. Be the laura. Take the time to sit with someone, hug them, and if they need it walk with them to help. Don’t be ashamed to ask for help, we all need it.

Sometimes we need that person to tell us that it’s ok to simply not be ok. If we aren’t ok God isn’t ok with us, he doesn’t force us to be in a position in life where we aren’t ready. One day my best friend Brooke texted me and asked how I was, I replied “not okay”. Her response was, “Then I’ll be not okay with you sitting next to you eating ice cream and together we can cry”. I’ll be your Brooke, I’ll be not okay with you, I’ll eat ice cream with you. You know who else will sit on the couch and eat ice cream with you? God. No matter what someone will be not okay with you. See people for the person God made them, not the person they are trying to be. We hide the not okay side of us when majority of the people are sitting on the couch with us eating ice cream, we just refuse to look over.

Part of seeing someone for who they are involves not judging them or putting yourself in their shoes. Don’t minimize their pain, we all feel things differently and it affects us differently. Empathize but don’t overlook or overshadow. BE THERE FOR THEM, SEE PAST THE IM GOOD, AND LOVE THEM FOR WHATEVER COMES OUT OF THEIR MOUTH.

I SEE YOU. I SEE THE SOPHOMORE GENA IN YOU STRUGGLING TO HANG ON. I SEE YOU FOR WHERE YOU ARE AND WHO YOU ARE.

YOU MY FRIEND ARE SEEN AND REMEMBER IT”S OKAY TO NOT BE OKAY.

Carry Your Cross

I was on my way to work one day running late as always. Time and I are like bees and vinegar, we don’t mix. If I’m on time then something went terribly wrong and someone else took control of my body. So this morning was already like every other morning because I was speeding past all the slow cars calculating how fast I needed to drive in order to only be a few minutes late. People think that having your Dad be your boss can be a good thing but not when you are late and he can remind you every time he sees you. As I was practicing to be the next Jeff Gordan I looked over and saw something that made me rub my eyes. You ever see something that makes you question if you’re dead or just insane? Yup, this was one of those moments. Walking down the side of the highway was a family of 10 carrying giant wooden crosses on their back. The littlest one had to be three with a bebe cross on her back (probably the only size I would have been able to carry). I first thought two things 1) WHO WALKS ON THE SIDE OF THE HIGHWAY AND WHERE ARE THEY GOING and 2) DID I JUST SEE THE DUGGAR’s. I swore it was the Duggar family and at this point I knew it was worth being late. I got off the closest exit only to get back on so I could witness this bizarre site again, side note it wasn’t the Duggars. This time I got a better look and I realized each cross was the same size as the human carrying it. I had so many questions, too many. All morning I couldn’t stop thinking about the family that was carrying crosses on the highway.

Have you ever asked God for a sign? You tell him “okay God, if you can move this chair from this point to this point then I know you’re real”. “Just please make this light flicker so I know I can count on you”. You beg for a sign. Well I got hit in the face with a sign but the thing is as loud as it was it would take months later for me to realize that he did exactly what I always wanted him to do. Sometimes God sends signs and they make us think but we don’t realize their worth till later. You’re probably reading this and thinking that that family was a sign that was FLASHING IN MY FACE.

MOST OF THE TIME THOUGH WE ARE SO CAUGHT UP IN TRYING TO FIGURE OUT THE SIGN THAT WE MISS IT COMPLETLEY.  

It wasn’t till this week when I was listening to a song that was talking about how we have to carry our own cross that I finally got it. It immediately brought me back to the “Duggar” family that was walking on the side of the highway. We get caught up in this person’s religion, in what the church wants, in what our parents expect that we end up carrying other people’s crosses that are way too heavy. When you carry someone’s cross it isn’t going to be your size, you’re going to struggle because it wasn’t made for you. OUR FAITH IS ABOUT CARRYING OUR CROSS. It’s about having a personal relationship with God and brining that relationship everywhere with you. That family was an outward symbol of what we should be doing inwardly. God made a cross to fit my back perfectly, where it won’t hold me down, it’s meant for me. We all have different relationships with Him and we need to celebrate that. Your cross is different from mine but what bonds us is that we are all carrying it.

The second time I drove past the family I saw one of the younger ones set her cross down. One of the older siblings picked her cross up, put it back on her back then walked behind her. WE HAVE TO HELP ONE ANOTHER PICK THEIR CROSS BACK UP IF THEY GET TIRED. Yes, it’s tiring being a believer but the thing is that you’ll always have support. If it wasn’t the older sibling picking the cross back up it would have been God. He first waits to see if we will be there for one another then he will step in. We have to celebrate our own journeys while supporting our brother and sisters. This is why I tell people never to judge because you don’t know what size cross they are carrying, you don’t know if their back is getting sore.  

Another thing to think about is that they were walking on the dang highway, you know how risky that is? Sometimes faith is risky because we lose friends, we have to leave situations, we have to keep people accountable etc.… but they walked on the highway so that people could see. WALK WHERE PEOPLE CAN SEE YOU CARRY YOUR CROSS. What not to do though is boast about carrying your cross, DON’T TALK ABOUT IT BE ABOUT IT. Carry the cross with grace and humility. Like Kendrick Lamar says, “BE HUMBLE”.

Remind yourself everyday of that family, of that commitment they had to carry their cross. Pick yours up every morning and wear it loud and proud. If you see someone setting theirs down, pick it up and put it back on their back but walk behind them for God is already walking next to them. Walk together with your crosses like the family; unite yourself on the one thing that matters.

Walk on the highway of life with your cross. Stay committed and help each other out. Put your cross on and trust. CARRY YOUR CROSS.  

The Cycle

How do you know you’re on the right track, you’re dating the right person, you’re at the right job, you’re living in the right city? These are questions us humans ask all the time. We are always questioning something. I am questioning where I should live next, what I should do, what is the next step?  I’m wondering if the things I’m doing now are right, if they are THE THING. What we need to know IF IT’S NOT THE THING IT WILL LEAD TO THE THING. It’s the cycle. If you’re not dating the right person or working at the right job it isn’t pointless, it isn’t for nothing. Everything leads to something. If you are at a job right now or a certain place in your life and you’re unsure, DON’T SWEAT IT.

NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE IT WILL LEAD TO SOMETHING.

In college I was in an abusive relationship, which I didn’t know or understood it to be in that moment. That relationship led me bruised on the inside, it left me broken. I felt like I deserved and was worth nothing. I hated myself and blamed myself for allowing that relationship to happen. The truth is though that that painful THING LEAD TO A POSITIVE THING. After that relationship I was as far from God as possible. That summer when it ended I went to church and was offered a position to work there. That time period changed my life and redefined my relationship with God. If it wasn’t for that relationship I would have never felt the need to go back to God. I wouldn’t have gone to church that day; I wouldn’t have lead those 6 mission trips and had the opportunity to speak in front of hundreds of students. I was able to share my testimony one Sunday at church, that relationship added up to that moment. IT WASN’T THE RIGHT THING BUT IT BROUGHT ME TO WHAT WAS. It may take time to get to that thing that sets you free or grows you but IT WILL HAPPEN.

THROUGH THE PAIN OF WHAT WASN’T RIGHT I FOUND THE JOY OF WHAT WAS.

It’s all about the cycle. If the right thing came right away we wouldn’t appreciate it as much, we wouldn’t see it for the blessing that it was. It’s like when you grow up. You have to learn how to crawl before you walk and walk before you run. Once you begin to run you can go anywhere. STOP QUESTIONING YOUR LIFE AND START LOOKING FOR THE BLESSING. EMBRACE THE CRAWL BECAUSE THAT FORMS YOUR FOUNDATION.

THE THING WILL LEAD TO THE THING. THE PAIN WILL LEAD TO THE JOY. THE LESSON WILL LEAD TO THE BLESSING. TRUST THE CYCLE.

Strategic Stumbling

We were given two feet to get ahead but sometimes we walk too fast for our own good. I have extremely long legs so when I walk I walk like I'm on a mission and the end is a race. I take long strides causing me to always outwalk my mom. I swear my mom is the slowest walker around. I can do laps around that lil shrimp and I'll still beat her somewhere. I'm walking so fast though that I'm not taking in the act of kindness going on across the block, or the beautiful store front. Everything is a blur. Here is another fact about me walking, I stumble at least once a walking cycle. If I stumble going from point A to point B then I know I've gotten it out of the way till I go to point C. Stumbling though is the only thing that causes me to slow down. I have to take a moment, get myself together, make sure nobody saw, then I begin again but this time at a slower pace.  

That stumble in your walk is God telling you to slow down. That stumble is strategic because where you stumble that's where he wants you to look up and around and notice what he is showing you. You might see something that you would have missed if you were walking too fast.  

There are a lot of cracks in the pavement here in Austin. I'm pretty sure someone took a jackhammer and just went crazy and said, "yup, this should really mess people up". Those cracks may make me stumble but god is that jackhammer. It's strategic. DONT QUESTION THE STUMBLE BUT EMBRACE THE STUMBLE. Here is the key though, you can't keep your face looking down looking for cracks. You have to keep your eyes up and trust. ITS ALL ABOUT TRUST. IF YOU LOOK DOWN YOU'LL STEP OVER THE CRACK, YOU'LL STEP OVER THE BLESSING. The first thing we do when we stumble is see is anyone else saw, praying it was just us. The thing to remember though is that we are all stumbling, why hide what will grow you. Why hide what other people are going through as well. SOMETIMES THE STUMBLE WILL TURN INTO A FALL BUT THE HARDER THE FALL THE BIGGER THE BLESSING. 

So next time you're walking keep your eyes up but walk slow. If you see a crack keep going, trust and know it's strategic. It's all about the strategic stumbling.